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Chapter ten

"Question, can I cook with wine? Does the alcohol count if it's cooked off?" Beth asks cautiously.
"Don't be scared to ask me anything you're worried about honey. If it can be avoided I'd appreciate it, sometimes just the taste will get me foaming at the mouth so to speak"
"No problem, I'm sure I have chicken stock in here somewhere" she smiles easy and unaffected digging in the pantry
"Thanks, I'm sorry, I know it can be difficult for the people around me" I say shameful that I can't just eat a meal the way my girlfriend would cook it.
"It's just a sauce Jace, if I was all out I would use stock anyway. But another question if you don't mind, I noticed none of your family was drinking today. If Lilly was drinking I'd slap her silly but do your sisters not drink or just not drink in front of you?" She keeps busy stirring things and checking the oven as she talks.
"My mother made her house alcohol free when I was drying out, no one ever changed that after I was sober. I know they all drink occasionally, I tell them not to change their ways for me but I haven't seen them drink so much as a beer in years. I work in a fucking bar, I'm covered in booze and drunk people almost everyday, I don't need people hiding their drinking from me" I grumble, I'm still just me.
"When you have a bottle in your hand and you're pouring a drink, how do you pass it on without wanting to keep it for yourself?"
"That's the thing Angel, I do, want to that is. Izzy asked me the same thing a few weeks ago, I told her I take it five minutes at a time. I wait five minutes to pour a drink then when five minutes is up I tell myself to wait another five. The first five is always the hardest, that's what Izzy was doing for me last night, she was holding me for that first five minutes. Silly girl was going to take me home, made me feel like a total bag of shit" I sigh.
"Then come to me, I'll distract you" she smiles at me.
"Thanks" I smile back.
Do I tell her about my secondary addiction to sex?
"Does that thing ever stop?" Beth grumbles as my phone beeps in my pocket again.
"I'll just turn it off honey I'm sorry. Everyone knows it's my night off"
"Got any good offers? Some chick with a banging body seemed keen this morning" she says with her back to me.
"Just one and yes your banging body was very keen this morning. I'm sorry you had to see that, I haven't replied to anyone for months" I tell her.
"You are who you are Jace, I wouldn't change you if I could. I know I'm your girlfriend, all I ask is if you get an offer you can't refuse you tell me first, I'll understand. Just don't lie to me, don't sneak around behind my back and you can have the freedom you need"
Oh, way to stab me in the heart Beth.
"I would never lie to you, I detest cheating. I've never had a relationship before but if I did I would never have cheated, I expect that from you too. All these girls have my number out of respect, if I slept with them I always left them with a way to contact me. I was always safe and I know I'm clean but if for any reason accidents happened they could let me know. I have never called anyone back, after twelve months I delete their number, if anyone had any issues or got pregnant a year is more than enough time to contact me. Before you ask no one has ever needed to call me for that" I tell her once again shameful.
"That is actually a pretty good system, good man for being responsible. I noticed you had quite a long contact list, that's just twelve months?" She bites her lip.
"Yeah honey, I'm sorry" I look down at my hands.
"It's not like I don't know who you are Jace, you don't need to apologise to me for things you did before you met me. I'm really quite reasonable, if I enjoyed sex I might have pursued it myself" she shrugs.
"You don't? Even before fuck face?" I ask
"I've slept with three people, that's total by the way not this year. My high school boyfriend, we were together for three months and I was sixteen, three minutes after I gave in to him I was left sore, sticky and wondering what the fuck just happened. I couldn't believe that's what all the fuss was about, I let him try to convince me it was worth the sneaking out a few more times before I just gave up on him. In uni I met this guy, we hit it off and went out a few times, we was a stoner and not very ah, athletic. I'm sure that whatever was going on inside his head was better than in his bed because I could have read a book and he wouldn't have noticed or disturbed me, it just made me feel ill and I gave up on men altogether. Then I met Jack, we was very charming. He knew all the right things to say, he chased me for weeks sending me flowers and chocolates at work. His smile won me over, innocent with just enough bad boy to make me blush. I thought maybe this one would be different, I held out on him, made him wait months and he didn't seem to mind. He took me away for the weekend, romance and fucking flowers everywhere. He certainly seemed to want me and I gave him what he wanted, it was pretty much over before it began and I gave up, clearly the problem was me, I was the only common denominator. Sex was just something that happened between dinner and goodbye, like flossing or having a coffee. Until I displeased him in some way, then it was punishment or so I thought. I didn't know what punishment was till it was no longer consensual..... Then I met Jace, fucking sexiest demon I've ever seen, his smile complete bad boy. Very much a ladies man, they loved him and he loved them. My stomach dropped out every time that flirty smile was pointed in my direction, I knew to run, this one had trouble written all over him. God damn tiny interfering woman made sure I couldn't, gave him the gun and the bullet to take me out with. He knew what he did to me, a simple touch on the arm or face and I forgot how to think. I forgot that men were not good for me, he played me like a yoyo for weeks, then he kissed me. My body responded, for the first time I really wanted a man, really wanted. Although he refused to sleep with me he certainly didn't disappoint, he made me think maybe the problem is not me after all. I'm going to be really bummed if he gets bored with me before I know how it feels to go all the way with this bad boy" she finishes with a wink and turns to the stove before I can say anything.
I move to stand behind her and I kiss her neck as my arms hold her around the waist.
"Don't be too hard on the sixteen year old boy, at that age we really can't help it. The stoner, well you should have known better. Jack.....I'm so sorry for what he did. This last one sounds promising though, trust me honey you responded the way you should. Your little body is so sensitive to me, when I make love to you I expect I won't be prepared for your reaction. Angel, there is nothing wrong with you and everything that's right" I kiss her temple and her lips turn to me, I kiss her slow and hot.
I want to show her now how good it could feel, I know she will lose her mind for me. But I also know she will enjoy it better when she loves me like I love her. I want to tell her I do, maybe it will soften her to me? I show her instead, holding her face so gentle and soft while dipping my fingers into the front of the waistband on her shorts. She feels so good in my arms, and the memories of ever holding anyone else fades from my mind. She is all I know.
"Dinner is burning, I don't care. This whole place could burn, don't stop" Beth breathes and kisses me back.
Whoa woman, calm your panties.
"But I'm really hungry and this smells really good" I bite her lip.
"Fine, then you need to stop touching me. Go sit down" she pushes me away.
"Oh you're feisty when you're frustrated, I thought I had fixed that for at least a few hours" I chuckle watching her blush.
"Laugh it up big man" she grumbles setting out plates on the counter.
"You're also beautiful when your mad" I smile.
She flicks me a glance and continues her work with a small smile that she is trying to hide. I let her finish up and move to the living space, I turn on the little stereo and classical music is playing.
"Feel free to play anything you like, the girls change my music as soon as they get here" Beth calls over.
"This is fine, I love renaissance, are they all requiems?" I ask.
"Not all of them" she smirks at me, why is it always surprising that I like cultured music.
"I also like art galleries and going to the ballet" I smile.
"Uh art galleries no, snotty bitches and cheap wine. But I love ballet, who do you go with?" She asks casually.
"My mum" I smile embarrassed.
"That's adorable Jacey baby" she grins so big and cheeky it takes my breath away.
"Yeah I'm a mamas boy, in my defence she is a great woman, you two would have so much fun"
"She must be great, she raised you" she says like I'm a great achievement.  "C'mon, time to eat" she smiles when I don't respond and just stand there staring at her.
"Looks great honey, thank you" I kiss her cheek as I hold out her chair for her at the table.
"No thank you, I never cook for me. I live on frozen dinners at least four nights a week, Friday's I eat at whatever bar I'm at or nothing at all and the girls usually request Mac n cheese or burgers. It's nice to eat real food"
"Either way I appreciate the effort" I cover her hand with mine and lift it to my lips.
I look at my plate, I never cook like this for just me either. Baked potato, grilled chicken and steamed green vegetables with a creamy mustard sauce.
"Tonight I would have had left over pizza from Thursday night, you have most likely saved me from food poisoning" I smile at the look of disbelief on her face right now.
"Beth, it's just me honey. Breathe"
"Jace, is this real? Are you here or am I still dreaming? You can't be real, this can't be you" her voice shakes and it seems like she is starting to panic.
"Why can't I be real? Honey what's wrong?"
"Jace right now you are every fantasy I've ever had, you sit there perfect and gorgeous in my dining room while I cook for you. You smile at me over classical music and kiss me so good I feel it in my toes, you talk about family and babies and you love your mother. This isn't me Jace, I don't get this. Please don't get my hopes up, if you're going to hit me just do it now. Please just reply to your messages, tell me you are not going home tonight" she babbles till I cup her face bringing it to mine.
"No"
"No? No what?" She breathes,
"No Elizabeth, I will never hit you. If you don't want me to go home tonight I won't but I'm not going anywhere else either. I smile at you because you make me happy, I kiss you because it feels good, it feels right and I never want to stop. Of course I love my mother, she gave me life and yes I want to create a little life of my own. This is me Angel imperfect and flawed" I kiss her lips briefly and then her nose. "Can we eat now? My girlfriend has cooked my a very delicious looking meal and I'd like to eat it while it's hot" I smile softly.
"Yes I'm sorry, I promise to contain my crazy for the rest of the night" she smiles embarrassed.
We pick up our cutlery and I dig in, oh fuck me my woman can cook. How does she think I'm the fantasy? She makes my family fall in love with her, she can deal with the fact that I'm a dirty alcoholic man whore and still look at me like I'm something special. How can she make me feel so good without sex and holy fuck can she suck, I've never had it so good. How can I be satisfied just watching her come? She's done all that and made me fall in love with her in under twenty four hours.
"This is perfect Angel" I tell her and I don't mean just the food
"Thanks, I love having you in my home" she tells me.
She loves I'm here? Is she starting to love me too?