Broken Misery (H.Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

[Harry's POV]

"Well, basically..."

~~~

It was around five AM when I came back home from the pub. I had returned there after going to Amanda's house hoping that my party would still be hanging out there after hours, since on occasions like these the bar stays open until dawn What I discovered was that there wasn't anyone apart some high school friends and a few fans still partying. I sat down at the booth we'd been sat in all evening, Amanda by my side even though I wanted it to be Elena.

Earlier in the afternoon, I'd completely snapped out of reality when I tried telling to tell about my past. We'd had our first fight that morning in days, and I knew she was angry with me. I tried to make it up to her by telling her some of my story. I wanted to let her in, tell her who I am and how much I love her, but I couldn't do it. But I really do love her. I did back then, I still do now and I will tomorrow and the days after that. The bird has me wrapped around her finger and I can't even breathe properly when she's not with me, and I choked on that because I needed to find my sanity back.

In order to do so, I spent the entire afternoon at my dad's because I knew he wouldn't ask any questions. If I don't want to talk, he doesn't pull it out of me so he let me lock myself up in the guest bedroom to cool off.

Never in two and a half years have I thought that I'd love someone again, and only this afternoon it hit me how much Elena meant to me. Ever since I found her I knew I had feelings for her. Then, when I walked into my house a couple of weeks ago and found that beautiful face of hers staring right back at me, those piercing eyes and delicate features that had haunted my dreams for nearly seven months, I thought I was having a cardiac arrest. But it was just my heart skipping a beat at how much love I felt for her. The girl grinding in my crotch became completely invisible and meaningless at that point, and I wondered what the hell I was going with my life and how I had ended up like this.

But that morning, I was trying to talk to her and I realized that I couldn't because I didn't want to disappoint her. She looked so beautiful putting makeup on, which she doesn't even need, and I thought to myself, How the hell did I find such an incredible girl? And I realized that if it wasn't for her, I'd still be in a stranger's bed, fucking the girl into oblivion to forget about everything.

The realization hit me hard and I couldn't deal with it.

Amanda had always been my safe haven. She'd been my best friend since preschool and she was my first at everything. Things were simple with her because we never really loved each other, but we shared an intimacy that couldn't be described. We trusted each other from the first day when she let me braid her hair even though it ended up in knots. So when I found her at the pub with the rest of my secondary school friends, I used her as my rock again even though I knew from the start that I was making an unforgivable mistake.

To this day I don't know why I did it. Elena's face was all I wanted to look at and kiss when the countdown struck midnight. But I'd seen her talking to Marcus at the bar, that bastard who'd gotten my sister's friend pregnant in secondary school, so I drank my fifth beer and turned off my feelings.

The sex was good, but not worth it. After leaving Amanda's house, I found myself having all those strange feelings. Guilt. Shame. It hurt so much and all I wanted to do was curl up with Elena and tell her how much I love her. Then I remembered that I couldn't do so, and I went to the bar to see if she was still there.

I sat at the booth for nearly an hour until I decided that it was time for me to go home. I expected Elena to be in bed, probably asleep but face crisp with tears, because I knew how much I'd hurt her. I'd promised her a date, and I gave her probably the worst night of her life. I didn't deserve this girl at all, but I couldn't get myself to walk away from her.