Broken Misery (H.Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 23

Warning some scenes may contain Violence!

-Katexx

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Chapter 23

My teeth clenching on the old t-shirt I've been offered to bite in, I hiss at the pain inflicted to my bum and hold my breath hoping it stops. Four of five spanks in now, so rough that I can't count or feel them properly. Each slap feels like my heart is going up in my chest, bile rising in my throat and tasting sour and nasty in my mouth. I bite harder when I almost feel like throwing up, but Harry throws another hit on my skin that makes me wince and cry out. At one point it hurt so much I thought I was going to faint.

I didn't, unfortunately.

I accept the pain, though, knowing that it's not for the trouble I've caused the Styles' and Twist's, but just for lying to Harry about Alfie. Harry has stayed relatively calm as he explained to me that as soon as we were back in London, we'd have to meet with management and the rest of the band to take care of the situation. He made a few calls, talked to a couple of important people, and assured them that we'd stay low profile until the holidays were over. To my biggest surprise, he even rubbed my back as I cried quietly in his arms, ashamed of myself for ever thinking that we could live normally. Or at least, that I could even though I was living in his house.

Obviously, the whole public display thing wasn't his biggest concern. He promised me that we'd get through it, that never would he ever allow me to live anywhere else but with him, and that all the promises still stood, no matter what. He promised that we should be allowed to live normally, that school was the most important thing for me right now and that I could've never known all of this would happen one day. Then I asked myself what I would've done if I had known that everything would come out eventually, and after taking a good look at Harry, I realized that I wouldn't have done anything differently.

That was until we were alone in his room. He'd made a good impression in the living room when his mother and stepfather were just in the other room, probably eavesdropping, but as soon as I took his hand and followed him upstairs, his nostrils flared and his mood changed entirely. He knew about Alfie, and first of all he politely and calmly asked me if Alfie was gay. When I nodded, I watch the color drain from his face, but quickly returning in a dark shade of red. Maybe a little blue and purple there too. His second question was to be predicted, if Alfie indeed had a boyfriend. Once this matter confirmed, Harry went down to the third and last question, but far from being the least. "Have you been lying to me all this time about dating him?"

The first blow came as soon as I nodded. I'd already been bent over his knee, obviously forced against my will, and he'd given me an old tee he'd found in a drawer for me to bite in and stay quiet. His parents were just downstairs in the living room; they didn't have to suspect anything. For all they knew, Harry and I were just having a proper talk.

Which we were, in between blows, including slaps, but then the last one hurt so much that I surrender and start sobbing. "Shh, Elena."

I want to fight him off, to stand my ground, maybe to slap him in the face at some point because he won't give me the chance to speak, but I feel like I deserve this. Harry's hand soothes my bottom after each spank, carefully rubbing where the skin stretches and stings like a fresh iron burn, and for some reason I feel like he doesn't like doing this to me. He's never done it before, not even out of pleasure.

"Why, Elena? Do you hate me that much?"

But he knows the answer to that, even when I stutter out a few words to calm him. "The complete opposite," I manage to say, because it's the truth. Harry believes it, he knows how I feel about it, everyone knows how I feel about him, but under the effects of anger he just won't accept that as an answer.

"Then why the hell would you lie to me? What made you think that it was the answer to everything? God damn it, El," he barks, digging his elbows in my back as he cradles his face in his hands, not caring if it presses painfully on my spine. Plus, I'm not in the best position, with my pants down and my shirt lifted up. "Why would you do this to me when you know how I feel about you?"

My head hands low from his legs and I stretch my arms to give my body some support, whimpering in the process from being so uncomfortable. "Because of all this," I cry out. "See what it's doing? We're not even together and I'm going to be all over the fucking planet. You don't need that, I don't need that, and we're mentally not ready to be together."

"That's fucking bullshit," he blows another hit on my bum, the slap echoing through the entire room. "You took advantage of my house and of everything I could offer you, but you want absolutely nothing to do with me. You say you love me, that you care about me, but that we can't be together? How the bloody hell does that make any fucking sense?"

"Just not now." I bring back the tee shirt to my mouth, accepting another slap not so gracefully, and then I use the shirt as a rag to wipe the tears running down my face. "Stop, please," I cry out breathlessly, not able to feel half of my body anymore. This is what I wanted to prevent. This is exactly why I didn't want us to be together. "Please."

So Harry pushes me off his lap and I fall on the floor, shoulder first. I quickly fix my leggings back around my waist, ashamed of the degrading position, but my body doesn't stop the loud sobs. So much pain running through my body, numb yet burning while his hand doesn't even look red from hitting so much. I bite into the tee so I don't cry too loud, but I can't help it. If I hadn't agreed to come here in the first place, all of this could've been avoided. I'd be in the house, comfortably tucked in bed and in a week Harry would be back in a good mood.

For days I was able to get back at him and argue when I wanted to prove a point. I've been a lot braver than I thought I would ever be, but for some reason when I need to be brave and do something, I can't. Not after using me as a punching bag to relieve anger when all I've done was lie for our own good. Not when I have no more strength left in my body to even stand up and walk away.

After minutes of being left to myself, crying and sobbing on the floor while Harry watches me from the bed, I stand up on all fours and crawl to the corner of the room where could get my back supposed on the wall, and bring my legs up to my chest where I can safely hug myself. And I cry for what seems like hours, but is only just a couple of minutes until my eyes dry out and my body falls in exhaustion.

"I thought it'd give me more time to trust you better," I whisper, mostly to myself, when my eyes start closing and I can't see his face. Confidence is a lot more present when you can't see the source of the fear. "I already loved you so I thought ... I thought I'd take some time to make sure you'd changed. That we'd be good for each other. We should be able to talk instead of you spanking me. You've never spanked me before."

Harry sighs from somewhere in the room, but it sounds a lot closer than from the bed. "I have changed," he whispers, his voice calmer. "I'm not spanking you because I want to hurt you, Elena. I'm spanking you to teach you a lesson. You know I wouldn't hurt you. I hate doing this to you."

Not convinced, I flinch when his hand touches my cheek and a weird cry leaves my lips. "Don't touch me, please. Don't touch me."

"Okay, okay," he concedes. "I won't touch you, I promise. But babe, please don't be scared of me. You know I wouldn't intentionally hurt you, at least I care about your feelings." His last sentence stinks with bitterness, but he quickly loses confidence as his voice softens. "If somewhere in that pretty little head of yours you really care about me, then show it and don't give up on me, Elena. I'm begging you."

"Earn it," are the last words I mutter before passing out, not even feeling the pain as my head hits the wall in a rough thud. The last thing I remember is Harry calling my name.

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Chapter End Notes:

Hey! How's everyone?

Hope you guys enjoy your holiday and I wish everyone the best and stay healthy y'all! Love you guys so freaking much.

I am so sorry but I just had to do it. I felt strange writing a spanking scene because the only one in MLC was with Liam, and I was feeling a little uncomfortable about Harry hurting Elena this way, but I guess in a way, she deserved it..! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Next one will be up next Saturday.

Don't forget to comment and vote!!Thanks!:D

-Katexx