I am sorry for last chapter and this one, you are going to hate me for life.
Paisleys pov
"Do you know how it feels?" I repeat for the second time tonight, but more stern this time. He shakes his head. I knew it.
Then I begin leaning in towards him, his eyes flutter closed slowly and for the first time tonight, for a split second, I thought I could forgive him. But then I remember how much pain I was in for a solid year of my life because of him and I went back to my original thoughts.
"Then believe me Luke, when I tell you.. That I am truly sorry for this." I whisper, then I pull away and leave the hotel room, hopefully showing him that this is what it feels like to have your heart crushed and hopes risen for nothing. Who am I kidding, he doesn't care.
It killed me to leave that room, and it killed me to leave that building, and it also killed me to drive home by myself. I cried the whole way back, to the point where as soon as I got out of the car, I threw up because I was hyperventilating so badly.
Then I had to walk up the stairs, on the way up, I had ripped my hair out of its flowered bun, taken off my heels, and took off my jewellery. By the time I had gotten to the room, I was already halfway undressed with the exception of my dress.
I opened the door and headed straight to my room, knowing very well that Justin was sleeping and I shouldn't wake him.
Then from my bedroom, I changed into some sweats and a t-shirt and then collapsed on my bed.
"I hate you Luke Robert Hemmings." I mutter to myself, clawing at my eyes in hopes that I will stop crying shortly. I don't need to be wasting tears on people that don't feel the same way about me as I do them.
Luke's pov
"I love you Paisley Aurora Leigh." I say to myself as I wipe the tears that are streaming down my face away.
At this point, I don't know whether it's the water from the shower that is soaking me and my clothes, or if it's my tears. I'm pretty sure it's my tears.
I fûcking blew it. I had her alone, she was right in front of me, and I blew it.
I couldn't remember a single thing that I had practiced so hard, I just couldn't. Now I have ruined my chances of ever explaining myself to the girl I love.
I watch as some redness runs down the drain, blood. My blood.
I look down and see that my cuts have opened up again. It begins to sting, but the only real pain I feel is in my heart. Sounds stupid, but it's true. I am numb to the physical pain, but being crushed under the weight of my emotional pain.
After we first broke up, I hadn't taken the blade to my wrist for two years. Then as soon as I started to really think about everything, I crumbled and it became an occasional thing.
I love paisley so much, I never wanted to hurt her. I wish I never would've broken up with her in the first place, even though it was to protect her.
I was foolish to think that I could forget about her as fast as I thought she could me. She was everything, and I was nothing.
I was just a nobody, I shouldn't have been stuck in her brain like she was in mine.
She shouldn't have stayed up all hours of the night crying because of me, that's only something I should have been doing.
I lost a diamond, she lost some copper.
That's what I am in comparison to her.
