I'll Follow You (GirlxGirl)

41. I wouldn't have a need for it anymore

I am standing in the bedroom as I watch Sky trying to get out of bed. She has been sleeping half the day and I had to wake her up before it's dinner time. I made breakfast for the boys and fed Jace and Andi. Paula was nice enough to help me with Jace. Sky didn't tell me that he was a struggle to feed, now I know. I hate this. I hate everything right now, because I feel like I am losing everything. First, I lose my mind, then I lose my kids and now I am losing my wife.

"What?" Sky asks angrily as she sit on the edge of the bed rubbing her forehead.

"You should haven't started drinking yesterday." I tell her to try to keep myself calm.

"Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't be hiding all the time!" Sky says irritated, and it makes me clench my teeth.

"I am not hiding!" I shout, and bite my inner cheeks.

"Then where the hell were you yesterday?" She yells as she stand up from the bed.

"I was playing a game with the boys, because they were bored, and I don't see them that often, because you took them all away from me!" I shout as I rub my eye feeling the tears on the way to slip out.

"You took everything from me!" I cry, while watching Sky take a step back from me, with guilt in her brown eyes.

"And I allowed you to do so, because I love you, Skylar!" I take a step to her, looking into her scared eyes.

"I would do anything for you! And that is what I do! But I don't get anything in return!" I yell frustrated, watching my wife moving her mouth shocked. I rub my eyes with my hand.

"I just want my kids and my wife back." I plead, seeing a tear go down her cheek.

"The only thing you give me back is nothing, just anger and the look of no hope in your eyes. It hurts, honey. But still I love you, even when you hurt me." I say and take a deep breath as I take the tears away.

"I'm sorry that I am not perfect and that I can't change my way of thinking, but if you hate it so much, then why don't just leave me?" I ask angry as I take her hand and put my wedding ring in her palm.

"I love everything about you, but I can't be with you, Sky, if you can't love all of me in return." I say, and I look into her brown, wet eyes, while I turn her hand into a fist. Where my wedding ring is lying.

"I'm sorry that I live my life the way I do, honey, but I have always wanted to have someone to fight for, somebody to cry for, even die for," I dry my cheek on my shoulder.

"And I have that, but she can't seem to accept that I would pour out my heart for her happiness. It makes me proud of myself when I manage to do something for you, that makes you smile. But now, you don't smile, which means I have failed. Not just you, but myself as well. Because I need your smile more than I need air, and you know that." I remind her as I watch what looks like a millions of tears falling down her cheeks. I hate to see her cry, but most of all, if it is my fault.

"You can leave me if you wish to, but I will always love you. I gave you my devotion for the end of time, when I said I love you. If you leave, you would take my heart with you, because I gave it to you the day I married you. And... I would not care what you did to it, because I wouldn't have a need for it anymore." I cry and let her go as I take a step back. Her hand opens as she watches my black ring that she is holding in her fingers. She cries even more as she reads what stands on it.

"I-I promised to play with the boys. Jace and Andi are downstairs with your family. I see you later." I say, trying to smile as I step out the door.

"Are you sure you didn't cheat?" Nathan asks suspiciously as we all three steps down the stairs.

"No, I didn't cheat." I chuckle as I mess up his hair. Jace and Andi are laying on the floor on a blanket in the living room and lay down in front of my smiling creatures. It's amazing what my kids smile can do to me. Andi starts talking right away, while Jace is trying to flip around on his back. I listen to the talking in the background. Where Paula is talking to her daughter's Jenn and Blair. Rachel and Luke discuss the dinner for Christmas.

"Hunter?" I sigh as I hear Sky say my name lightly behind me. I feel bad about yelling at her and the look of pain and guilt in her eyes when I left her alone in the bedroom.

"Yeah?" I say not looking at her, but lean forward to kiss my twins on their foreheads. It makes them both laugh and I smile, of their reaction.

"C-can I talk to you?" She asks unsure. I bite my inner cheeks and shake my head, because I don't want to talk about it.

"Not right now." I say as I stroke my little girl's neck.

"Okay." She says quietly and I listen to her footsteps moving away from me. I just need some time to calm myself down. Don't really want to shout at her again, because it hurts to do so, even though I have only done it once before and that is years ago. When I met Sara, I hated myself so much for making her look at me with painful brown eyes. I didn't mean to yell at her today, but I just had enough. Of her being so disappointed with me, and that I see my kids only four days a week for only some few hours. I love them all and I don't want to have it this way anymore. The life I had I want back. I wish to see my children every morning and I want to see my wife next to me on the bed when I wake up.

I smile as I feel one of the boys lay down on my back.

"Who is it?" I chuckle.

"You have to guess." I hear and I move my hands back to tickle him. He laughs and end up on the floor next to me.

"Hi, Ethan." I smile and lay my arm around him.

"I'm bored." He says and sigh.

"You don't want to play with Isaac or Nathan?" I wonder, Isaac might be some years older, but I know my boys can play with him without a problem.

"No, can we go out and play?" He asks begging, they both have the same pleading face. Not long ago Nathan came with those puppy brown eyes and their clenched teeth showing. It's funny to watch them like that.

"Yes, we can, but take on a lot of cloths okay?" I say and he nods, before running out into the hallway. He seems so happy by the look on his face. It's not often I can play so much with them and I am going to use the time I have here to do so.