I'll Follow You (GirlxGirl)

21. She might be the devil sometimes, but that is totally fine

We are in week 32 and now they move less, completely normal we were told from Rachel. Right now, Sky and I am lying on the bed where everything started. All of those nights we laid in here, and how messy it looked. I told Sky that it was better that we stayed here, because it is closer to the hospital. So we are all going to be here until week 35.

Unfortunately, I have forgotten that this bed is smaller than the one at home, and Sky is not really sleeping very well anymore. Her back, feet just almost everything hurts. I kiss her on the back of her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, honey," I tell her, feeling guilty.

"Is there anything you want me to do?" I ask, wondering, because I would do anything for her.

"C-can you stoke me?" She asks, unsure and I kiss her shoulder again.

"Of course I will." I say smiling as I move my fingers lightly on her warm belly.

"I love when you do it," She tells me so satisfied.

"It makes me sleepy." Sky yawns.

"That's good, honey. You need sleep." I whisper to her. Sleep has been hard on us all. Even the boys have struggled a little, by Sky's groaning. It makes them worried, and they do not like the sound of it, just like me. It's been hard weeks since we came home from the hospital, where we met David.

Sleepless nights and an angry, exhausted wife. That is how it has been lately. We have the boys too, but they are just great. They keep themselves entertained, with playing soccer and being in the playroom. I feel awful for not having the energy to be with them so much as before, and I know it is getting worse when we become two more. But I know the boys will be more fascinated with them, and Sky is back on her feet, after a little while. Everyone has offered to help us. Rachel, Luke and even Sara and David. Sara doesn't know what has been happening between David and me. I don't think it will be more that what we have right now, anyway.

I can't believe we are going to have two more kids in our house, and they are coming soon. The worst of all is that I am getting more nervous for every day that passes. I am worried when we are going to go to the hospital that I will fail her. She has done so much for me, and I am scared I can't do anything to measure that. Because, she made me feel again and now she is lying here next to me with our babies in her belly.

I owe her a lot, even though she does not think so, but I feel hopeless if I don't do anything. It might just be the way I am, but I get a bad conscience very easy. So not doing anything makes me feel worthless. 

That is why I have to do things for her. Because I can't look at her if don't see that big smile on her face. Her smile makes me know I made her happy, and I want my wife to be happy as long as I live. I know what it means to be miserable, even though I didn't realize I was until Sky and I got together. Well, I knew there was something wrong, but I might have been so used to walk with that loneliness and that big hole in my heart that I didn't understand it was bad to feel that way.

I am just glad she broke down my wall, so I could see what was on the other side. It was all worth it. No matter how uncomfortable she made me at start, and how much I struggled to look into her brown eyes and tell her that I can't do it. That was the worst thing, disappointing her. She wished more than I could give her, and it hurt to watch her that way. 

When we were at Sky's cousin's birthday and she wanted me more than I could accept. I broke her patience for me and it made me hate myself, because I hurt her. She was so angry and the look in her eyes broke my heart.Now, I would break myself just so I can see that smile on her face, and those lighten up eyes.

"Honey?" I whisper, but no response and I smile. She was right. Stroking makes her sleep. I kiss her shoulder, slowly. Feeling her warmth on my lips and her amazing smell comes through my nose. There is nothing better to know that the women lying next to you is the love of your life, but most of all, that she wanted to marry you, and then have a big family. 

We are going to be six in some few weeks, and we are only in our middle twenties's. We are young, so we can at least keep the tracks with our kids. Playing with them, running with them. Not every kid gets that. I didn't, I had only my brother, but after that. I had nothing and no one.

But now eleven years later, I have a wife, four kids and I have a clean heart. There is no anger towards anyone. It's all gone. Couldn't be happier than this. I have seen heaven and I know how she looks like. She might be the devil sometimes, but that is totally fine.