I'll Follow You (GirlxGirl)

29. Hunter, your head is a battleground

I wake up as I feel someone lay over me on the bed, and I open my eyes finding my smiling wife.

"Hi." I whisper as she takes my hands and pin them down in the pillow. Sky leans down to kiss my neck and her lips cause me to reach for air. It tickles every time. I try to move away, but I can't as she bites my earlobe.

"No." I whisper, but she shut my mouth with hers and I bite her lower lip to make her stop. She moves back and watch me annoyed.

"I'm sorry honey, but I can't do it with them..."

"They are downstairs sleeping. I have the baby monitor on." She informs me as she leans down and kiss my neck again.

"Dammit Sky!" I yell irritated as she bites my skin hard, and I turn us around. Good thing that Ethan and Nathan is with Luke and Rachel.

Sky looks at me grinning as she tries to come out of my grip, but she is stuck.

"You can't bite me like that!" I say irritated by the sting on my neck.

"You bit my lip." She argues as she leans up, but I push her back down, angry.

"Yeah, but I had a reason." I explain and she raise her eyebrow.

"So, not wanting my beautiful wife is not a reason?" She asks chuckling. I bite my lower lip and snort.

"You already have me." I tease and she roll her brown eyes.

"You know what I meant." She smile, and I bend down just enough for my nose to touch hers.

"You are teasing me." She chuckles and I lean down to kiss her cheek.

"No, I'm not." I whisper as I put my lips on her other cheek. Then her favorite place her forehead, feeling her warmth.

"Yes, you are." Sky laughs as I kiss her nose.

"No, I just love you." I say lightly and lay my lips on her neck. She gasps for air as I bite her and she hold my hands tighter in hers.

"Hunt." She moans, and I let go of her hands. She moves up sitting under me. I bite my inner cheeks as she drags of my shirt. She cups my cheeks as I sit here exposed over her.

"Don't you look like that," Sky says as she force me to watch her.

"Just because you look in another direction do not mean they are not there, honey," She moves her fingers over my smallest scar on my ribs.

"I love you, loved you for nine years, and I will love you for much longer than that." She says a little upset and I lean down to kiss her forehead.

"Nine years, Hunti, and you still struggle sometimes. I don't understand how you can be so unstable about it. You should be confident, every time." She says and sigh, giving up and one of the babies starts to cry.

"I'll g..."

"No, I will do it." I say as I take on my shirt again. Moving out the door before she can argue. Finding my way down to the stroller. Both of them are crying so I pick them up in my arms, shaking them.

"It's okay, mommy is here." I say as I kiss them both on the head.

After a little while, they stop and I lay down on the couch with Jace and Andi on my chest. We just lie here staring at each other as I hold them.

"Your mom, she is disappointed with me," I kiss Andi and Jace on their forehead.

"I don't really blame her. She should have never said yes, when I asked her to marry me." I sigh.

"I don't understand how she can love someone as insecure as me. I mean there is millions of good people out there that can give her much more than I can." I tell them and it seems like they have fallen back to sleep. I move out of the couch and lay them back in the stroller.

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked her." I sigh as I look at my twins. They look so peaceful when they lay like this. I turn around, but see my wife with tears in her dark eyes and a bag in her hand. The view cause me to freeze. She comes towards me in anger.

"How many times!" She hit me on the cheek.

"Haven't I told you to stop?" She cries, and I look at her in shock of what just happened. My skin is sore after the strike by her hand.

"I love you Hunter! And after nine years you still think you don't deserve me! When are you ever going to accept yourself?" She shouts crying, and it makes my tears come out of my eyes.

"For nine years I have tried to make that horrible look on your face go away, when you are criticizing yourself in there. I don't hate you, but I hate when you look and talk like that..."

"What?" I finally say confused.

"I heard you Hunter, and sometimes I don't need to, because I can see everything in your gorgeous blue eyes!" She yells and feel myself struggling to breathe.

"Y-you're leaving me?" I ask in tears as I look down on the bag in her hand.

"Yes, I am, until you can accept yourself, Hunter. I love you way too much then to see you like this," I try to put my arms around her, but she moves away.

"You need to learn to like yourself, because I have never seen you comfortable in your own skin. We all love you, but we can't love you for you." She cries and take the tears away from her cheeks, while I let all of mine go down to my chin.

"I can't sleep..."
"I know that Hunter!" She yells and Jace and Andi start crying again.

"But you need to stop! I thought when you started to talk to David you would, but you don't!" She shouts and I look down at the floor feeling the tears rain down my face.

"There is something inside of you that makes you hate yourself, Hunter. And it scares me, because I love you." She cries, and I itch my neck hard in frustration.

"You need to make it stop, you are the only one that can do that," She sigh.

"I'll pick up Jace and Andi tomorrow so you can think for yourself." Sky tells me calmer as she moves to the door, and I follow her.

"Sky..."

"No! Hunter, your head is a battleground," She stop in front of the door, looking at me.

"And I am not staying in this house with you, if you don't stop that war. I love you, but I can't do that when you fight against me." Sky opens the door and I watch her step out.

"I love you and I'm sorry, Hunter." She says crying and then step down to the car, while I watch the love of my life walk away from me. I have never been more hurt in my entire life, but she is right. Skylar is always right. There is something wrong with me, and I know that. It's just, I can't make it stop.

I step back into the room and take up my crying twins as I feel my own tears go down my face.

"I-it's okay, mom was just angry with me." I say as I kiss them on the top of their heads before laying them back in the stroller. I step into the kitchen and find their bottles. They are probably hungry now. I sit down on the couch with Andi and feed her. I can't manage to feed both of them at the same time without some help. It breaks my heart listening to my little boy crying, and it breaks my heart that I made Sky angry with me. I put on my babies sleeping song, and after a little while, his crying stops. It makes me calm down as well, but not enough.

Sky left me and I can understand why. I notice some years after we got together that something was wrong. I tried to hide it from her, but I guess I couldn't. It's nothing she has done, but my head is not where it was when we first got together. I don't know why I have gone back down to how I was years ago. That I am so unsure around her and that I am frightened to do anything that would make her leave me. Which just happened, because of my words and that I can't let her see me. I need to change my mind and I know that, because Sky is right my head is a battleground and it is time to end it.