Broken Misery (H.Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 26

I start doing my makeup in front of the small mirror above the sink, leaning in closely to catch as much light as possible, but the door quietly opening next to me distracts me from my eye shadow brush. Harry doesn't say anything, he simply leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed and stares.

We haven't kissed since Christmas. We haven't shown any physical affection ever since our brief kiss on Christmas Eve, apart from a hug when he left for London and another one when he came back, and he gave the same kind of hug to his mom and his sister, so it doesn't even count. We've been nothing more but friends, until he called me his girlfriend earlier.

I made my point clear that I wasn't his girlfriend, not yet. We have things to fix and discuss, and we need time.

Harry doesn't take his eyes off of me until I'm done applying my mascara. Throughout the entire fifteen minutes it takes me to get ready, he shifts from one foot to the other, then back to the other one, he uncrosses his arm and then crosses them again over his chest, but his eyes hardly even blink.

"I know for a fact that I have nothing on my face, so I'm not sure why you're looking at me like that," I snap, raising my eyebrows once my mascara is done.

He shrugs, unimpressed with my bitterness. "Are you going to let me pay for the restaurant tonight or are you going to throw a fit? I'd rather be prepared."

With this comment he earns a heavy roll of my eyes, followed by a long sigh. "I'm going to throw a fit every time you decide things for me or make fucked up comments like you did. Harry, I forgave you for kidnapping me. I think it's about time you forgive yourself."

"I can't!" he shouts, hitting his fist hard against the doorframe. The sound it makes is so loud that the door shakes and I take a step back instinctively. I'm not scared of him, but his eyes widen when he sees my reaction that was only because the sound startled me, and his face falls quickly into an apologetic frown. "I regret it, Elena. I regret it more than everything. If I had to go back, I'd do everything differently, especially knowing that you drive me completely bloody insane like this. I wouldn't even try getting to know you. You're ruining my fucking life."

My heart falls in the pit of my stomach, bile rising up my throat. "You don't mean that."

"I do," he fumes. "I don't even recognize myself around you. You get me so angry, everything you do, I'm always fucking worrying and thinking of ways that I could keep you tied in a room so you wouldn't do what you did last week. The last time I was in love, I -"

"You what, Harry?" I breathe out, tears pooling in my eyes. Gemma told me that Harry had trouble controlling himself and that I'd have to learn to understand him and make him understand that everything is fine, but until now he hadn't shown any true sign of regret. At least, not this way. "It's about time you tell me what the hell is going on in that head of yours."

His lips stay parted, unable to say anything. The few words that left his mouth caught my attention, because I would've guessed that everything had to do with something in his past, something about love. It'd explain why he doesn't trust anyone, not even himself, and why he doesn't know how to accept love.

When I realize that the rims of his eyes are slowly turning red, pupils dilating and glistening, I take a deep breath and start disposing of my makeup back into its small bag. "You don't have to tell me, Haz. It's fine. You said you'd tell me when you were ready, and I'm not going to push you."

"I was hurt, really badly," Harry whispers, the tone of his voice dramatically changing. "She did things to me, Elena. And I loved her so much, and the more I loved her, the rougher she'd be with me. I couldn't hit a woman, God. What fucked up lad would do that?"