My Deadly Mistake (Jerome Valeska/Gotham FanFiction) [Book 1]

Guilt and A Dream

~Jerome's POV ~

I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.

That's all I could hear in my head as I drove back to Galavan's penthouse. And it wasn't just that. All I could see was Rhiannon. The tears running down her face, the fear in her brown eyes, the way her little body trembled as the sobs tore their way from her throat.

I drive up to the building where one of Galavan's men is waiting for me. I throw him the keys and I enter the building. I walk to the elevators and push the button. As the elevator door opens, all I can see is Rhiannon...the way she looked at me...the way she moved away from me whenever I tried to get close to her.

As the elevator makes the slow ride to Galavan's penthouse at the top floor, all I can think about is what I've done. What I've possibly destroyed, and how I don't know if I can fix it. I feel a pain rising in my chest as the images of Rhiannon continue to haunt me. When the elevator finally reaches the penthouse level, I feel as though I'm about to lose it. I normally know how to keep myself under control, how to keep my emotions tame. But right now I can't.

When the elevator doors open I'm greeted by loud music and a bunch of women. What the hell? Not tonight. As I walk out I see Greenwood, Dobkins, and Helzinger sitting with about 3 women each. I figure the women must be prostitutes or call girls, probably a gift from Galavan. Nice gift I guess, considering these guys haven't banged in I don't know how long. I see one woman stumble towards me, martini in hand, her face flushed, her eye makeup smeared. A complete contrast to Rhiannon...

Rhiannon...

"Heeeeeeeyyyyy there handsome..." she says, her words slurring together. I roll my eyes and I push her hand away as she attempts to grab me. She again tries to grab me , only this time she goes for my crotch. I grab her hand and I push her away from me hard, hard enough to wear she stumbles and falls backwards. The three guys bust out laughing at what just happened, and normally I would have been too. They are looking at me, waiting for me to come and join them. But I simply turn and walk towards my room.

"Hey Jerome where ya going huh!? Are you really going to turn the down the chance to fuck all these pretty ladies!?" Greenwood shouts to my back. I ignore him and open the door to my bedroom, locking it behind me. I walk into the bathroom and I look at myself in the mirror. My reflection looks back at me and for the first time in a long time, I feel disgusted with myself. I've failed. I've failed Rhiannon in so many ways.

My reflection looks back at me, and I can only see that other side of me. That side of me that I let get the best of me. The side that I should have let Rhiannon see slowly. It's laughing at me, and all I can see is my stupid grin. I feel the anger well up in my chest and before I realize what I'm doing, my fist goes full force into the glass. The mirror makes a loud cracking noise as the glass shatters, breaking off into large sharp pieces. I feel a piercing pain in my hand and when I look at it, I can see my knuckles bleeding. I wiggle my fingers. It's not broken. Even though that's probably what I deserve.

I walk out of the bathroom and I take off my suit. I throw the articles of clothing across the room, and I collapse on my bed in my white undershirt and boxers. I bury my face in my pillow and let out a groan. I roll over so that I'm looking up at the ceiling. Still...all I see is her face...the tears...her fingers pointing at her neck...the purple marks that I left...

I feel the pain well up in my chest once more and I realize what it is. I've never felt this before. I didn't even feel a tiny ounce of it when I butchered my mother.

It's guilt. It's guilt for what I did to the girl that I love.

I've always prided myself on being able to control myself. I never once felt like I was out of control. But it happened. I lost it...and I took it out on Rhiannon.