My Deadly Mistake (Jerome Valeska/Gotham FanFiction) [Book 1]

Confusion

For the remainder of the day, I do my best to try and keep my mind off of things. I busy myself helping the doctors organize their files, and putting patient info into the computer database. Despite the tedious work, I still find my thoughts drifting back to everything that happened. 

Back to Jerome. Back to what he said to Anthony in his therapy session about me. Back to the way I felt whenever I got around him. Back to Anthony's confession about his feelings for me. I push the enter key on the last data entry, and I put my face in my hands. So many things. So many emotions are running through me that I don't know what's right and what's wrong. 

And now I had another thing that I wasn't sure how to feel about. Jerome wanted me for his therapy sessions. I had been called in soon after I had left Anthony's office, and they had explained the details about what happens and what could happen in a therapy session with someone like Jerome. It would be intense they told me. It might be disturbing they told me. And without thinking I said I would do it. I didn't even give myself time to think about what I was getting myself into. 

"Way to go Rhi", I mumbled to myself as I shut down the computer. I left the computer lab, and slowly made my way to the employee locker room. I just need to get out of here, I've had enough of Arkham for one day. I rub the back of my neck, trying to relieve the tension that I feel forming in my body. I open my locker and quickly grab my things. I throw on my coat, and I throw all my work related stuff into my bag, not caring anymore. I'm sick of looking at it. 

I take out my phone and my earbuds and jam the plug into the jack. I place the buds in my ears and turn up the volume on my music. Music is my escape, and that's what I really need right now. I need to get lost. I know what I'm doing. I'm running away from my emotions. I'm running away from the fact that I'm feeling things that I know I shouldn't be feeling. I'm running away from the fact that I just put myself in a situation where I'm going to be around a man who is igniting in me things that I never thought I'd feel. 

I slam my locker door shut in frustration and place my forehead on it, feeling the cold metal against my skin. Even with my eyes closed, I see him. His red hair. His ice blue eyes. His pale skin. His maniacal grin. In my head, I hear Anthony's words...

"He...was talking about you...in his bed. He was saying what he wanted to do with you..." 

I walk out of the employee locker room and make my way out of the Asylum. But even as I'm walking, an image begins forming in my head, and no matter how hard I try, I can't keep myself from making it. 

Jerome holding me close. His arms wrapped around me, our faces only inches away from each other. His lips coming down on mine, claiming me as his, my fingers running through that signature red hair. He stops, and with that maniacal grin on his face he throws me down on the bed, flinging himself on top of me...ripping away my clothes...

"Stop it" I say to myself as I place my hand on the knob of the door that leads out of the asylum. I walk out and I'm greeted by the night's cold air, its wind stinging my cheeks.  My cab is waiting for me, and I quickly get in. The cab driver looks at me, his face showing what looks like concern. I must look like shit, which I probably do considering how I feel right now. He doesn't say anything as he notices that I have my buds on, and that I'm looking out the window. The cab drives away slowly from the asylum, and I slump in the sit...not understanding anything that is going on with me. 

If anything, I should realize that I have the chance to get myself further into my dream of a career in criminal psychology. I will have the chance to perhaps make a breakthrough with one of Arkham's most disturbing patients, it could lead to so many opportunities for me. But I'm putting myself into something that I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist. There's something between me and Jerome. I don't know what it is, but I know that whatever it is...its dangerous...it will be deadly...and I'm finding myself drawn to it. 

As the cab drives over the bridge that goes over the Gotham River and into the city, I realize that I'm making a mistake. Nothing good is going to come out of this. If anything...something detrimental will happen...

As the cab maneuvers the streets of Gotham towards my apartment, I feel something come over me. Didn't I tell myself that I was going to live my life? Didn't I tell myself that I was done being afraid to make a move? So why should I be so nervous about talking with Jerome? Isn't this what comes with the job? And so what the way he makes me feel? Wasn't it perfectly normal to feel attracted to someone every now and then? Don't all girls go through a bad boy phase? Perhaps Jerome is the kind of bad boy that I'm attracted to. But just because I'm attracted to him doesn't mean I have to act on that attraction...

The cab soon arrives at the apartment complex. I hand the driver his fare, and get out of the cab. As I walk to my apartment, I start to feel some relief. Perhaps I'm letting my emotions blow out of proportion. Perhaps I'm worrying about something I shouldn't be worried about. Worrying about things that probably won't happen. 

Like really? What are the chances that me and Jerome would have a relationship that is more than just intern and patient? Like c'mon. 

I walk into my apartment and throw my stuff on the couch. I take off my clothes, and hop in the shower, letting the hot water relax my tense body. After I get out, and as I get ready for bed, my thoughts again drift back to Jerome, but this time I welcome them. Even as I put my head down on my pillow, and close my eyes, I see his smiling face, and I fall asleep with a smile on my face. 

~ Hey I just wanted to shout out everyone who always leaves comments and votes for my story! Means a lot to me. I'm heading back to classes this week and have a round of tests and then finals so I won't be able to update as often! I'll probably only update at the end of the week or on weekends. But once I'm off for winter break, I'll be able to update more often! Thanks again for all the support! ~