My Deadly Mistake (Jerome Valeska/Gotham FanFiction) [Book 1]

Reality

It wasn't until I was far away from the infirmary did I realize the truth about what just happened.  I didn't think it was possible. I don't even know how it happened. 

But the truth is that...

I'm falling in love with a patient here at Arkham Asylum...

I think I'm falling in love with Jerome...

But it doesn't even make any damn sense! I've only been around him a few times...nearly not enough to really get to know him! But I mean what is there to know!? I know he has problems I mean that's why he's here! He is clearly sick! 

But it's like my heart doesn't care. It is almost like my heart has been searching for someone like him, and now that I've found Jerome, my heart can't help but cry out to me that I should be with him. Crying out to me that I should let myself love him...no matter who or what he is. 

I'm walking to the employee locker room since it's the only place that I can be alone. I walk back to the room on autopilot, my thoughts completely on what just happened. 

Jerome came to my rescue. He saved me from Sionis. When I really think about it, I can't help but think that if Jerome was the cold hearted person people make him out to be, then he wouldn't have saved me. He would have let Sionis rape me, heck he may have watched and came in on the action. But that didn't happen. He came to my defense. He dragged Sionis off of me and told him to stay away from me. He protected me. 

For someone who is supposed to be a psychopath, it doesn't make sense. People like him are not supposed to show feelings for others. 

I know what people may say. Many people would say that everything that is happening between Jerome and I is simply him trying to manipulate me. Get me on his side so that he could use me whenever it suits him. I know. I've told myself the same thing over and over again when trying to get myself back in reality. 

But our kiss...that was real. I know it. I know it in my very bones that it was real. There was no cunning, no lies, no deception in it. It was pure passion. It was simply the passion that can be felt between a man and a woman. For that small moment, it was just Jerome and I. Just a boy and a girl who had a connection that neither one of us could explain. It was that connection that pulled us together in that room only moments ago. 

I soon arrive in the locker room. I walk in and make my way to my locker. I sit down on the bench that was placed in the middle of the aisle. I wrap my arms around myself and let out a shaky sigh. As I sit here I feel a chill run through me as my reality comes crashing down on me. 

I'm falling in love with Jerome Valeska.

Then almost immedietely another reality comes crashing in...

"Please...find a good man...don't fall in love with a bad man...please"

I finger the locket at my neck in my anxiety and in my confusion. I can't help but find it a bit ironic that my mother made me make that promise to her. It was almost like she knew that Jerome would be in my future. 

"Please...find a good man...don't fall in love with a bad man...please"

This can't be happening to me...

"Please...find a good man...don't fall in love with a bad man...please"

Stop...I know mother...I know...

"Please...find a good man...don't fall in love with a bad man...please"

Stop...please...

"Please...find a good man...don't fall in love with a bad man...please"

"STOP IT!" I cry out as I slam my hands on the bench. I feel that my cheeks are wet with tears, and I feel my body shaking. 

"Stop it..." I whisper to the empty room.

I sit there on the bench, my arms wrapped around me...realizing that I have an impossible choice in front of me.

I let out a sob...a sob rooted in an inner turmoil that I thought I would never experience. 

I know the choice I should make. But it's not the choice I want to make...

What am I going to do? What choice am I supposed to make? Why does the right choice feel like it's the wrong choice?

~ Hi everyone. I'm sorry for this short chapter, but I had a hard time writing this because my mind is on a family member right now who has been sick for the past year. Got news that he is getting a little bit worse. I'll be okay, but I may need a few days to get myself back in shape emotionally. I still plan on writing though. Thanks for all the support :) ~