Hold Me Down

Chapter Thirty Three | Bye Bye

Chapter Thirty Three | Bye Bye
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I never knew I could hurt like this

And everyday life goes on like

I wish I could talk to you for awhile

Miss you but i try not to cry

As time goes by

And It's true that you reached a better place

Still I'd give the whole world to see your face

And I'm right here next to you

But it's like you're gone too soon

Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye - Mariah Carey
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Essence

"All the faiths of the World speak of another life after death. We do not know what it is, but we can hold on to the hope, the belief or the knowledge of peace, rest, fulfillment and of people being reunited in love. For Ricky Lee, the journey is beginning, but for us, there is loss, grief and pain." the preacher said as he stood in front of the church podium at this mournful event.

Shouts and screams broke out from the other side of the church and I cringed at the sound. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I tapped my heel along the floor. I knew that those screams and cries came from Alisha, Ricky's girlfriend and babymomma. I got emotional hearing her cry so bad, because it just made me think, what if it had been Money instead of Ricky that didn't make it out.

"Every one of us here has had our life touched, perhaps in the tiniest way, or perhaps totally transformed by Ricky's existence. We would not be here otherwise, his life mattered to each and every one of us." he said after a pause and he was right. Ricky has indeed touched my family in more than one way. He's always been there for my husband and that alone was enough for me.

It had been exactly a week since Ricky was killed in that building fire and it put a complete damper on everyone's spirit, Money included. He has been quiet all week, he barely even talks to me. I knew what to expect this time from the previous times he dealt with death. I'm glad he didn't runaway this time around though.

I held onto his hand tightly as I sat next to him on the front pew of the church with Domani in my lap. We sat along with the other three guys, my girls, and the kids. As spouse, girlfriends, significant others, and baby mothers of these four men, it was our job to have their back at their worst and we were doing just that while looking up to par at the same time.

All of the guys wore designer suits along with frames over their eyes to hide the pain. We knew every one of them were hurting deeper than words or emotions could express. Ricky was more than a friend to all of them, to all of us. He was like a brother.

"It is important for us to acknowledge and accept that something fundamental has changed with his going. Life will not be the same - and life should not be the same." the short, stocky preacher spoke as he drank from his water bottle. We all sat quietly and listened to the words that he spoke, as we grieved in loss of Ricky.

I held myself together during the ceremony, suprisingly. The funeral service passed by rather quickly and I was actually thankful for that. I'm a very emotional person and I needed to get out of there before I broke down. After we'd left the church and burial site, everyone headed out to the reception venue for the repast to eat, socialize, and as it is suppose to be, celebrate the homegoing of Ricky.

I decided to drive us today, after a long stare down with Money that is. I drove him around today. We made it to the place and we all went inside. I found us a long table towards the back of the building and took a seat. I was sure that my feet were red, because these heels were killing me more and more with every step that I took.