Hold Me Down

Chapter Fourteen | Hold Me

Chapter Fourteen | Hold Me

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Baby don't let me down

Got a lot goin on right now

And I need you to hold me

Baby don't let me down

Got a lot goin on right now

And I need you beside me

Baby if I break down

Will you catch my tears before they hit the ground

Oh baby if I open my mouth

And let my darkest memories come ooouut

I need you to stick around - Janine & the Mixtape

*Please, you all should really go and listen to this song. I love it. It's attached to the chapter.

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Essence

I sat numb on the sofa outside in the waiting room of the hospital, with swollen, red eyes, and a tear stained face. I didn't know what else to do right now, but to cry for the lost of my father. After hanging up on Money only a couple minutes ago, I just felt worst after he had just completely gone off on me without knowing my situation first. I was out of it and my heart and mind was still numb from being in the room while my father passed away. This all was just so much weighing down on me all at once and I was trying so hard not to cave in.

I stared off into space as I tried to find peace somewhere in the back of my mind. I had no idea where my child or my husband were and right now, I needed them both. They were the two of the three most important men in my life right now and I just wanted them both to hold me and be near me right about now. Although Money had left me here alone and gone off on me minutes ago, in this state I wasn't even angry about it that. I just wanted to be held by my husband, by anyone willing to do it for the matter.

In the midst of the numerous thoughts that raked my brain, JD came and took the seat right next to me on the bench and turned sideways so that his body was facing me. I didn't pay him any mind as I continued to think about the happy times to keep myself from crying all over again. My life was just falling to pieces in a matter of days, I can only imagine what is to happen next in my life, but I rebuke it in the name of Jesus before it occurs. I don't even know how much more pain I could take.

"You good ma?" he asked as he stared at me with concern and utter care in his tone. As much as I needed that and was seeking for comfort in someone, after the rant from my husband, I couldn't even make myself lean on him. As much as I needed to just lean on someone and grieve, after gaining a little more strength, I couldn't go to JD, because it would only blow up in my face and cause more problems that I didn't need in my life right now. I had enough and more would only make me wreck.

JD had motives and a person with motives will take your weakest points and use them to their advantage and I didn't want that to happen to me. I was trying my best to have self control as I simply nodded at his question, but kept my eyes facing forward, away from him. My mind was still filled with blurred lines that I couldn't read and it confused me a bit, but I just kept tapping my foot against the floor, patiently waiting on my husband because I was sure he would be coming for me very soon.

I knew JD answering my phone got him all upset and I really didn't even blame him, but the only way that happened was because I had gone to the restroom to get myself together and had left my phone behind in the chair. How I forgot it around a person like JD is beyond me, but it will never happen again. After Money blew up on me, I knew then that JD had fueled the fire behind his rant. Had I not been in this situation, I would've fired right back at him, but I didn't even have the energy.