Part Seventeen: Round and Round

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Dear Coralie,

It's been six months since you've written me. It's my birthday this weekend, and of course you're invited, but I know you won't come to the bonfire. My dad didn't even really want me to have one anyway. He said my grades are so bad he's grounding me till they get better, but I've already lost you, and they stopped letting me go to karate, so what is being locked in my room going to do? The only class I still have a good grade in is English, and only because I write you so much that I have all the practice I need to write essays. I wish I could quit school.  And I wish for once you'd write me back. I miss you still. I don't even want to anymore, but I do. And I always will. And it will always hurt. Love you.

-Danny

I felt miserable about his letter  today. I knew he was doing worse in school, but I didn't know it was getting him in trouble. And really I couldn't do much about it. I was getting pretty miserable grades too, I went from all A's to barely getting -C's. Barely passing, and I only had three months of school left, so I had to pass.

My dad was trying to get me to apply to the community college, I wasn't changing anymore, so I didn't have to stay around town, but my dad wanted me to anyway. I had other ideas though.

I wanted to move in with my new friends, we were going to all chip in on a place, and move to the big city where we could get decent jobs. They promised to pass with me, which seemed silly now considering I'm struggling, but as long as we graduate we're going. I had saved so much birthday money my whole life it seemed right to use it on this. Wyatt had saved his barista money for years, and Winny and Freddy had a trust fund from their dad. He died a few years ago, and they'd get it on Freddie's eighteenth birthday; just a few weeks before graduating. I just have to focus on school enough to pass.

I tidied up my makeup, grabbed my purse and phone, and left my room.

"Don't you have studying to do?" My dad asked from the kitchen counter as I passed through the living room. "You won't be able to go to Danny's birthday if you have homework-"

"I'm not going." I laughed almost.

Owen walked down the stairs, at the exact wrong time, might I add.

"Why not?!" He asked. I stared at him in shock, of all people...

"Because I don't go to any bonfires anymore, why would I go to one I'm particularly not excited for?" I chuckled.

"Well maybe you should come to them again..." Owen shrugged. "We've all been trying to hangout again, apologize for being f*cked up to you, but you push us away..." Owen said as he went to the fridge.

"Exactly, you guys pushed me away first, and I don't want to see Danny, I mean I just got over the exile." I said as I shook my head again.

"Well if you don't love him why is it such a big deal, why not just go?" Owen shrugged back.

"Owen that's enough." My dad said quietly. "If she doesn't want to go she doesn't have to." He said. I smiled thankfully at him.

"Thanks dad. I just don't think it'd be a good idea. I'm gonna go study with Winny, Wyatt is going to pick me up." I said as I went to leave.

"Are you really studying?" My dad asked. I chuckled.

"Of course." I said, leaving out the door. I had gotten too good at lying. Of course I wanted to go to Danny's party, of course I loved him, and of course I wasn't going to study.

I sighed as I jogged off the front porch and began walking down the dirt road, just incase my dad decided to make a scene. I know he loves me, but he's always treating Wyatt like an idiot, always berating him for my grades dropping since I've gotten with him, or for bringing me home smelling like cigarettes (Greg's cigarettes, the smell isn't even Wyatt's fault).

Wyatt pulled up next to me, and as he rolled down the window a cloud of smoke rolled out. I laughed.

"Hey sweetness... Need a ride?" Wyatt smirked as he looked up at me.

"How are you even capable of driving?" I asked as I looked at the three amigos in the back seat. They were passing a joint still, as I stood watching them, and I gave them all a raised eyebrow look.

"I'm not smoking, I wouldn't do that knowing I have to pick you up..." He said, nodding to the passenger door.

"Good my dad would kill you." I laughed, before getting into the car.

As we drove away I felt so sad I almost wanted to tell Wyatt to turn around, take me home, I could make up an excuse. I felt like crying as I watched the forest, my forest, my packs forest, flying by. For the first time in months I missed it all, I craved the change, just one night to run through the stars... But that would mean missing Danny even more. That would mean the wolf in me, the one I've practically muzzled to keep quiet, would scream in my head all day for Danny.

Even now she screams.

I want Danny!

I want Danny!

Run to him you idiot!

You should be watching him!

Protecting him!

I want Danny now!!!

Wyatt is an ugly, filthy, human-

"Hey babe, did you hear me?" Wyatt's voice snapped me into reality and away from my wolfs thoughts. I realised I was shaking and breathing heavily.

"What?" I asked. Everyone was looking at me, the three in the back seat and Wyatt. "I'm sorry." I shook my head.

"It's okay, we just wanted to know if you were okay, you looked like you wanted to kill someone." Wyatt chuckled.

I shook my head quickly.

No, but I will if you won't go to Danny!

"I'm okay." I nodded. "Just not feeling good I guess ..."

"You know what will fix that..." Gregory chuckled, offering the joint to me, despite me telling them I didn't really like smoking and drinking on school days. Maybe just this once.

I took a puff and all of my racing thoughts quieted down. By the time we got to the park it was dark and I was stoned. I no longer had any negative thoughts on my mind. A few drinks in and I was laughing with Winny on the merry go round like a kid.

As we spun on the merry go round, Freddie spinning it for us, I couldn't help but wonder what I was doing. Why was I here? Why was I getting drunk and failing school. But then my mind trailed back to Danny, missing the hunt, the way my pack treated me, and I had to have another drink.

I realised the only thing that got my wolf to calm down was being reckless, being stupid, getting wasted, being... Human. And I wasn't about to give that up...

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