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Sitting next to Lando in the car made me really nervous all of a sudden. I played nervously with my fingers and thought about how it could be possible for me to feel like that after only two days of reconciliation. I realized that it wasn't just two days. Lando Norris is a really attractive man with charisma and the ability to flirt like a world champion. Even though I was mad at him after that party, I liked him. As I said, I don't just fuck around and I choose my partner with caution so there was a reason Lando and I ended up the way we did in Saudi Arabia nineteen months ago.
The realization hit hard and I grew more nervous all of a sudden. I took a glance at Lando, his side profile again. He just sat there, focused on the road, driving us to the hotel and looked beautiful.
What am I even thinking?
"Are you okay? You look like you're fighting yourself in your head." Lando laughed and I flinched, feeling caught again.
"Yeah I'm fine, I just..Uh I was just deep in thoughts." I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. I stared at him like my 14 year old self at my one direction posters on the wall of my room.
"Deep thoughts as in me?" He grinned mischievously. My eyes widened in shook which turned into outrage.
"What? No! What do you mean? I thought about different things-" I started but he cut me off
"Come on you're stuttering so much. You're staring at me, not even trying to hide it. Look at you. You're almost drooling just like June." He laughed at me and my cheeks became warm.
"N-no I'm not. I- you know what? Yes I did. I admit it." I said but regretted it the second after.
"Oh? Acting all brave now huh? Your cheeks are flushed like you just ran 4 miles. But to be fair: you look really pretty tonight. Don't turn more red or I'm turning around to bring you to the ER"
He joked and the heat in my cheeks rose even more.
"Thank you very much." I muffled through my hands that covered my cheeks. "I can't control that though."
We joked around some more until we arrived at the hotel.
"Well here we are. Thank you for the ride." I said, standing in front of the hotel. June still sat in the car fast asleep while I said my goodbyes to Lando.
"I'll stop you right there. I'm not going back Em, I will accompany you upstairs. Do you want me to carry June?" He asked. I couldn't move for a few seconds. It was as if this man wanted me to fall in love fast and deep.
"That's so nice of you. Honestly. Yes it would be awesome when you could carry June."
I said and then watched as Lando carefully got June out of the car and carried her on his shoulder all the way up to our room.
I opened the door for him so he could put her to bed and she thankfully didn't wake up.
I closed the bedroom door after we left the room.
"Thank you for the evening. It was good to go out with some people again and they're all super nice people." I whispered to not wake June.
"They really are and im glad you came. I guess we will see each other in the UK then. I'll do a short stop home in Monaco but I need to go to the MTC anyway so if you're free on Thursday or Friday?" He whispered back. I acted like I had to go through all my appointments but then smiled and agreed on Friday since the only thing that was on my planner is cleaning the house and visiting a mummy group.
"Great then I'll see you on Friday" he smiled.
It was time to say our goodbyes and for some reason I had the sudden urge to kiss him. Of course I didn't because that would make things complicated and weird. I hugged him and Lando left shortly after. Just like that.
I sighed heavily and fell on the couch until I realized what I was thinking about a few moments ago.
Why the hell did I thought about kissing Lando? Gosh im so stupid. The second everything slowly turns to a positive side I go and try ruin it again.
While I bathed myself in self-pity, my phone made a "ding" to let me know I got a notification.
I shook my head to protect me from my own thoughts and got my phone. There were about 25 messages from different people. Most of them from Hannah, some from V and one from my mom asking if I was okay.
I tried to think of something which implicates I wasn't okay but nothing came to my mind so I sat there confused and opened the chat with Hannah. Before I could read a thing, I saw about 10 photos. At first glance I didn't know what it was. The photos were dark and in low quality as if someone zoomed in really far.
I looked at the photos again to see myself in front of the restaurant earlier this evening.
My heart began to pound, not because some paparazzi took a photo of me but because June was on it, too.
The first three pictures showed me, holding June but you could only see her from behind. When I swiped to the next, Lando was seen on the picture as well, which still wasn't that bad. The last one was though. I was seen from behind now because we were about to enter the restaurant so Junes face was directed directly into the camera.
My whole world shattered. I really thought I could hide her from the rest of the world but I made a severe mistake today. I should've thought of this when I went out with Lando Norris. It doesn't matter where he goes, there's always a camera nearby. Why didn't I put June in her stroller or at least the carrier?
I just sat there in shook, my heart pounded like crazy and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to read the comments online but I was scared af. People made assumptions before but now it looks very clearly like we go on a date together. I know we didn't but the internet doesn't because they only see a snippet of something and build their story around it like always.
I dared to open Twitter just to be flooded with those pictures. My hands were shaking so I put away my phone for a few minutes to relax a little but I couldn't so I ended up reading the comments anyway.
The comments were mixed. Some of them congratulated Lando and me, some already calculated how long we hid our "relationship". Of course there were a lot of people hating on me because I'm "not good enough for him especially with a child. He's stressed enough." And so on. Some of them even insulted me with words I didn't even know. The worst kind of comments were these "get away from him, he's mine!" Girls though.
It's not like I haven't had a shitstorm before. I have a lot of friends who are well known or have fan communities and stuff so this wasn't the first nor worst shit storm. The thing that stressed me out the most was that this is about my daughter's life and privacy. I didn't care about things people say about me, but the things they wrote about June without knowing her and only because of one single photo crashed my heart in a thousand pieces.
Now I knew why my mom asked if I was okay because she knew I wouldn't be, after seeing all those things and like always, mum's right.

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