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It took June 2 hours to fall asleep after we had a really long playing session.
I eventually made her fall asleep after a lot of crying and comforting and the second I closed the door to her room, my phone rang.

"Good for you I just closed Junes door, otherwise I would've come at you. It took hours for her to fall asleep." I whisper screamed in my phone.
"Good that I called after, then." Oscar said.
"So Lando is Junes dad?" He asked directly, still confused.
"Jup."
"And does he know?"
"Well he figured it out in Melbourne after you said she looked like a mini him and we talked about it yesterday for the first time."
"Yesterday? Wow Em. What did he say?"
"That he isn't ready for a child and that the only thing he could give us is money which I don't want." I shrugged, knowing he couldn't see.
"But why didn't you tell him earlier?"
"You have a lot of questions." I sighed, "I can't blame you for that I would've been shocked too. Uhm. I was scared. I knew he wouldn't want a child and i thought I wouldn't see him ever again." I sat down on the couch. This is the 3rd or 4th time I explained myself now. It's kinda getting annoying.
"Listen. It wasn't the right decision and I know that but I thought it was then. It doesn't change anything for Lando since he isn't interested in being a father for June which I can understand because he didn't even know he had a child 2 days ago so we can all go on with our lives like before." I explained sighing after every sentence.
"That isn't so easy-" he started but I interrupted him.
"I know I know, it's not easy to just go on with that"
"Yeah. I still can't believe it. Are you sure you're not kidding? This isn't a joke right?"
"You said yourself that she looks like a replica of him. And you weren't wrong. She does and I hate it because I feel guilty everytime I look at her." There was a silence between us for a few seconds and I guess he didn't know what to say, "You know him better than I do. Do you think he will change his mind?" I whispered, hope in my voice.
"I don't know him enough for something like that Em. Im sorry. But do you want him to?"
"I mean...I would like that for June. And for Lando too of course. If he wanted to at least."
"Well only time can tell." He said and I giggled.
"Wise words from Mr Piastri."
"When are my words not wise?" The confidence he said it with, couldn't be ignored.
"Right we should hang up then, this is getting ridiculous." We both laughed and hung up shortly after.

I spend the rest of the evening preparing Junes first birthday. She's not even 8 months old yet but I want to celebrate big. I was thinking of a big venue with a play area for children, a candy station, a photo box and lots of balloons because June loved them so much. I even started to make a guest list with all my mummy group friends and Junes friends from those of course.
I had fun planning all this but one thing always made me overthink a lot.
'Lando???' Was written on top of the guest list. The conversation yesterday made it clear that I shouldn't invite him but now that he knows I could at least invite him so he can choose himself.
I honestly didn't even want him to come but I shouldn't decide anything like that on my own anymore when it's about June.
I hated this. I regret everything I did and at the same time I'm glad I did it this way.
The three question marks were crossed out at the end of my planning evening.

I prepared overnight oats for breakfast next morning since we won't have much time because of a small shooting in the morning, when I heard something from Junes room: "maaa baaa wwwaa" you could hear her through the door already and when I opened the door she was laying there with her feet in her hands. She smiled at me brightly from her crib.
"Oh baby you should be fast asleep right now you know? I'll keep that in mind. No sugar for little miss June anymore."
She stretched out her arms to gesture me to pick her up.
"Alright but you need to sleep now."
We sat in the rocking chair together her face in the crook of my neck making sleepy sounds. The white noise always got her when she was a newborn and so they get her now. It didn't take her that long to fall back asleep but I remained sitting in the rocking chair and enjoyed the moment. I gently stoke her back, smiling slightly. Cautiously standing up after some time, I gave her a kiss on the forehead and laid her gently back in the crib. After setting a timer for the white noise to stop I silently left the room.

The love I felt for that little human being couldn't be described. Yes we had our though times, being a single mom wasn't easy, but we made it with the help of our family and friends whom I was so thankful for.
Anyway let's finish the preparations and get to bed, I thought and shortly after I was laying in bed. But no. No sleep for me because a certain someone haunted my head.
Maybe Hannah and V were right and I should make him fall in love with his daughter because seriously how can you look at her and not just love her?
I shook my head and rolled over to the other side of the bed, thinking that would help me fall asleep.
Still no.
Great.
I continued to overthink about Lando for a long time before the exhaustion from the day caught me and I finally fell asleep.

Mine? || Lando NorrisWhere stories live. Discover now