Better Than Before (A NARUSASU FANFIC)

Sasuke's Journal Entry (5)

"How conflicting it is, to need something we can't have, and want something we can't wish for..."

I. Kissed. Naruto.

I kissed UZUMAKI NARUTO, and I don't have the words to describe how it felt...

"His lips were like the sweetest, most ripened fruit that the heaven's tree can ever bear. It got me tempted, so I selfishly had a taste of it, and I knew it then and there that it was the very elixir that could fill the abyss in my heart. However, a price must always be paid for a selfish act, and I shall pay the price of mine by accepting that this godly fruit was never meant for me to begin with..."

Never in my life did I think that I would get a chance to experience Naruto's lips on mine. I loved how perfectly our lips fit together, but somehow, I still feel empty...

Why?

Because I know that this kiss was never meant for me. These feelings that I harbor for him, he can never have for me, since he has already given his heart to someone else...

He had a panic attack yesterday, and he clutched me in his arms ever so tightly. That warmth was unreal, until he called me Sai...

I learned of his past from Shikamaru and Kiba, but I am still having a hard time processing it.

He mistook me for Sai, but I don't want him to know that. As much as I know that usuratonkachi, he won't like it if he finds out that he mistook me for his dead lover, at least not after what happened with him in the past.

I dare not be selfish to ask Naruto to love me and only me.

However, is it wrong if it hurts to know that his heart belongs to someone else?

I just can't help it. I was such a fool to think that I could have him all to myself. I should have known he was way out of my league from the very beginning...

But I still want him, even if it means that he would choose Sai over me. I need him, even if it means that he can not love me wholeheartedly.

I can only wish that his heart still has a tiny corner in it, which is empty and waiting for me to come and fill it up. I'll be satisfied with that.

I want to love him and give him my everything, even if it earns me only a small place in his heart.

I want him to know and remember that I was someone who loved him too, but I only wish for him to remember the good things that happened between us.

I can shoulder all the pain that is to come in our relationship.

I want to make him happy...

I want to see him smile more often...

I want to hide him in my embrace...

I want to take his pain away...

I wish I could, but I will never be able to replace Sai, and I know it.

It hurts to think that he is reminded of Sai when he sees me. The more he stays with me, the more I'll end up triggering his memories.

He will be hurt every time he sees me... So I'll make it up to him, but don't ask me to stay away from him.

I can never stay apart from him. I don't think I can...

The thought itself is terrifying me... I will never leave his side, not unless he wants me to...

Will he ever notice that I am waiting for him to take a look at me?

I... I wish I was Sai, then he would've been happier with me... I sound insane, right...?

~ recorded on the night of the "Waxing Gibbous"

*Waxing Gibbous - when the moon is 91.92% visible and is crescent

A/N: This journal entry is sad... I hope I was able to convey Sasuke's conflicting thoughts through this. I really hope things work out for them... 🥺
Merry Christmas, people! I just thought I should give y'all a Christmas update.😅
(⌒0⌒)／~~
Anyway, see you all in the next chapter!
Author sound out ~ ✌🏻