Secrets I Have Held In My Heart

Chapter 20

Reid is the one taking El by the arm and hauling her ass into my bedroom while I pick up and console Auggie. Oh god this poor kid, being scared shitless twice in one day.

  "I'm so sorry, peanut," I say into his curls and all he does is nod. I can hear El and Reid yelling at each other

  "We're screwed!" El's the first one to say anything.

  "Shut up! No we're not." I can hear Spencer say.

They're trying to keep their voices down, whispering away from me. But my mind is split in two, one side solely worrying about whatever Reid has gotten me and my son into and the other is just staring at that door, waiting for El to walk back out so I can give her a much-needed hug....for me anyway.

  "The only way we're getting out of this is if we're three steps ahead of them," El says.

  "I already tried to convince her that we need to deal with these guys first...and I might've told her to stay with me."

  "Oh my god I'm going to be sick," El says.

Spencer explained to me in depth about the encounter. They both know that the men threatened to hurt my son and kill me, they know that I'm not afraid to kill those men first, and they both know we're all fucked if I don't stay quiet. I just hope we find some way to get around it. I don't have evidence of people trying to hurt me or my son but one tip could send off an investigation. But also doing that could send both El and Reid to jail and as much as I hate Reid, El doesn't deserve that.

  "It's not going to be that bad, I promise. We can be mature."

  "No, that's not what I'm worried about. A kid that young, hell any kid, shouldn't be seeing blood on a person that's from someone else."

I stop listening after that and place Auggie down on one of the kitchen island chairs. "Are you hungry?" I ask him with a smile, trying to keep the air light. He doesn't say anything and so I turn around and see he's spaced out. "Hey, buddy?" I ask again and his head finally snaps up.

  "Oh, sorry momma." He says, his voice so soft and heartbreaking.

  "It's okay, peanut," I assure him. "Are you hungry?" I ask again and he nods. I grab the jar of Nutella out of one of the cupboards and put two slices of toast into the toaster. I hear the click! of my bedroom door unlock and open. El and Reid step out and look right at me but I pretend not to notice and keep making Auggie's very late breakfast.

  "I know Spence mentioned this to you already, Cami," El begins her plea, "but you never gave him an answer...so I'm just going to ask again," she smiles. The smile is so comforting, like the one she used to sport before she had someone's fingers digging into her stomach. "By any chance, could you wait until we catch those guys to call the cops on us? It's for you and your son's safety, that's all. It would be smarter to get those guys handled with."

  "Auggie, go play with your toys, I'll call you when your food is ready, okay?" I smile and he smiles back a little, hopping off the stool and his little legs carry him into the living room. I turn back to look at El and Reid. "Fine," I say immediately. This is about me but more about my son. And I'm adult enough to put aside my differences with Reid. "If it makes you stop killing then yes."

  "You're serious?" Reid asks. His eyes beam at me. I know he wants me to say yes but I didn't know he was anticipating it this much.

  "Yes, I'm serious. But I have rules." I look Reid right in the eyes as I say them. "I want to keep working and Auggie will still go to school," they nod their heads, "I'm going to have a completely normal life, apart from living with you, and you will not say anything about it. Auggie will play with his friends and I will still go out with my friends," I make sure they're listening to my rules, "And finally, Auggie's seen too much today for a five-year-old because of you," I point my finger at Reid, "So while we're staying with you, you're not killing anyone unless it is for our safety. That's it."

  "Yes-"

  "NO!"

El and Reid cut each other off.

  "What do you mean, yes?!" El yells at Reid and my mouth is open. I didn't actually expect Reid to say yes so quickly. I mean, as much as it disgusts me, murder is his job. I can't believe he'd give that up at my word so easily.

  "She's right. I need a break anyway, I've been doing this for 5-6 years. I'm tired, El."

  "But we won't get paid."

  "I have enough money to sustain us both. It's not like we live big extravagant lives, El."

I don't listen, I just spread Nutella over Auggie's toast and call him to come eat. El and Reid start bickering again and they've never seemed more like siblings than this moment. I like that I have leverage over both of them, especially Reid and I'm going to get a lot more cocky about it.

  "I want one of you to babysit Auggie tonight, too." I start to grin. "I have a night out with Emily, JJ, and Pen and I'm not calling my mother to some strangers' house."

  "Hold on," El lets out an awkward, almost annoyed laugh as she grabs Reid's arm, tugging us away. "We need to talk about this first," the second they're a couple feet away, El punches Reid in the arm and I suppress the urge to laugh. "What the fuck is she thinking?"

Reid grabs his arm where he just was hit by El, narrowing his eyes at her, "Doesn't matter. It will work."

  "Fine, but if anything, I shouldn't be the one that's going to watch him," El seethes "you should."

  "Me?!" Reid narrows his eyes on her.

  "Yes, you. You got all of us into this mess. Just babysit her kid, she's already agreed to living with you for a while, this is a favor in return." El tries to reason with him and I make my way over to the two bickering former FBI agents.

  "El, I actually want you to watch Auggie," I say and her mouth drops to the floor.

  "Absolutely not. I'm not good with kids." She says sharply. I can see Reid with a smirk on his face. Reid and I are both looking at El and finally, she cracks underneath us. "Fine, I'll look after him, but if that kid throws up or anything, turning myself in won't look so bad."

Once I have El's promised confirmation she'll watch him, I thank her and she walks over to Auggie and asks to play with him. Of course, being the nice kid he is, he says yet. He's never opposed to not playing with anyone. I should make them both babysit, lord knows they deserve it. But Reid needs a break from being around Auggie because as much as I love Auggie, he can sometimes be a lot. But they can't do anything to retaliate against me because they know I will go to Hotch and tell him everything.