Tai In Love

Chapter 64

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Tai's pov

I can feel his eyes on me as I'm in my head trying to figure out a way to formulate my words.

He's still gently caressing my belly.
"Ready fi talk now?" He asks lowly.

I nod slowly,
"I've been having alot of anxiety and depression since being pregnant" I admit. As soon as the words leave my mouth it begins to feel real.

I'm really going through this..

Tears prick in my eyes, "I know i probably should have told you sooner and I'm sorry it's just that I didn't even-I still dont- understand what I'm feeling and I didn't want to worry or burden you"

He sighs looking at me with a solemn expression , one filled with pity,sympathy and hurt. I know it's because he cares but it makes me feel extremely vulnerable. A feeling I don't like very much.

"You nuh affi apologize and Tai believe me when me say you couldn't ever be a burden for me, me love you more than life. Everything me do a fi you and we yute, me nuh want you ever feel like you need fi hide nothing from me. Especially when it comes to your mental health." He tells me sternly with caring undertones.

"A two a we inna dis, a me get you pregnant, a me a you man, so a me fi deh help you wid anything wah deh bother you. We ago get through this together and you ago get better" he tells me,

A tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away, an action which goes in vain as they start flowing unendingly.

I breathe,
"Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep because I felt less than, like you would eventually stop loving me and I keep having dreams that I'm going to lose our baby and you which freaks me out so much because I want this, I want our family" I cry as I continue to vent.

"I had this extremely traumatic dream that I watched you take your last breath in my arms while bleeding out after some violent exchange with someone. I dont know what it means and it really worries me because I know what you're into to some degree and as much as we try to avoid the conversation I know what you do is dangerous. I hate, despise the mere thought of losing you please, please don't make it ever actually happen" I plead with him.

He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breathes as I continue to cry.

A tear runs down his face and he pulls me closer to him.

Hold on Trey a cry?!

When he opens his eyes they are bloodshot red.
He curses an expletive looking down.

I use my thumb to wipe under his eye before hugging around is neck.

"Me fuck up" he says morely to himself, why is he blaming himself? None of this is his fault.

"Babe this isn't your fault stop" I move his face up so our eyes make four.

He tucks his bottom lip in his mouth staring at me, his sad eyes search mine.

I'm not used to him in this state, it's scary. Scarier than when he's angry

"I'm so sorry for exposing you to this life, you nuh deserve fi affi deh worry bout them things here, me can promise seh you nah lose me because me nah allow miself fi lose you" he says in deadpan.

"And we nah lose the baby, nothing nah happen to the two a unuh so get that outta you head" he sounds so serious.

I exhale.
"You hear dat?" He asks and i nod.

"Me need words Tai"

"I heard you"
He kisses my cheek holding me to him.
We sit in silence for another couple of minutes before I get off his lap.