The life of Jessica Stark (Bucky x OC)

Chapter 38

The confession left Bucky and I quiet for the rest of the day. After Bea came back with the drinks, Bucky was muted allowing me and her to catch up. The drive back to the apartment was silent and I began to worry that it was going to stay that way.

Bucky walked into the room first and settled down on the sofa as I lingered behind for a moment unsure of how to play this. On one hand, I could just look into his mind and know what he's thinking but on the other hand that's a huge breach of trust and I'm sure he's already in a bad mood. In my mental debate, I found myself already walking over and sitting in the armchair near him

"Buck..." I begin but he abruptly stands up, making me forget what I was saying next 

"Jessica, I understand ok and I'm trying my hardest to be there for you but never going back?! Never seeing your family again? I-i just can't get my head around that!"

"It's not that I would never see them again, they're more than welcome to come here but I think I need a fresh start" I look up at him and he's begun pacing the entire length of the living room

"They can't come here Jess! They have lives over there and jobs and other family, you can't expect that of them" 

"I know they have family, my dad's happily making another one over there" Anger starts creeping up on me and it's not Bucky's fault. It's the image of my dad and Pepper and that baby all happy without me, the thought of my dad not telling Pep that I was alive, the thought that I was so easily replaceable, the thought that I'm hundreds of miles away from the people I love right now. That's what's making me angry

"I left! I left them for you, left Steve and Alpine for YOU!" He's stopped pacing and stood less two metres away from me. His eyes filled with the same pain that I always see in him. He's not mad at me, I know that, but it doesn't stop me anyway

"GO BACK THEN" It's not his fault. I don't want to be angry, especially not at him. But something takes over and I stand up too, his muscular build towers over me and yet I still square up to him

"You're so SELFISH JESSICA" He yells in my face

"If I am so selfish then why are you here? Go be with Steve and Alpine and some other girl for all I care!" I have no idea what's gotten into me. That's not what I want at all, but I just can't shut up 

"Oh yeah, I flew across the world to be with you for a day just to fly back in time for a hot date! GROW UP!" 

"How about you grow up James! You spent the last two hours in complete silence!" 

"What do you want me to say?! I can't tell you to go back because you'd be unhappy, I can't tell you to stay because again you'd be unhappy, I can't tell you that I'd happily uproot everything and move here... Jess I'm stuck help me out here"

"I want to stay here; I need to stay here, and Steve understands that... everyone will understand that" Tears begin to well in my eyes as his continue to bore into mine with anger

"They might understand Jessica, but how is this fair on them?!"

"This isn't about them James! After everything I've done for them don't you think I deserve to be a bit selfish?" The tears over flow and I turn away from him. I'm unsure myself if they're tears of sadness or anger but either way I don't want him seeing them. He doesn't say anything or even move as I walk out of the living room and into the kitchen. He doesn't say anything as I turn the kettle on the make a cup of tea. And he doesn't say anything as I hear him open and shut the front door. 

I don't say anything as I take my tea and head back into the living room. I don't say anything as I turn the TV and my phone off. And I don't say anything as I cry silently to myself over him leaving.