Jikook Oneshots 2

Famous (Part Two)

The events of the fanmeeting bounced around in his mind as Jungkook tried to sleep that night. The words couple, and boyfriend, and love, popped up multiple times...and that bothered him. He didn't think about them at all any other time of the day, except for when a girl who dyed her hair blonde said they looked like a couple. But Jungkook didn't care when she did. He didn't feel anything.

With Jimin...every word that came out of his mouth was exciting. When he said he wanted to think of Jungkook as his boyfriend, he felt things, and he didn't know why. And now he was freaking out. Because this was the first time someone had talked to him openly about being gay, even just a little bit. He barely even thought about the fact people were gay—it just didn't cross his mind. But now that he was reminded?

He was starting to question things...about himself.

Yes, he always found men more attractive, but he thought that was how everyone felt! You liked the way the same gender looked until you were older, because you were all so similar, and then the other gender would start appealing to you one everyone started changing. He thought kiddie crushes were just for show!

Did that mean he had crushes on boys when he was a kid!? He remembers thinking of certain male classmates fondly when he was younger, and not knowing why. Was it because he liked them?

He couldn't be gay...he was seventeen! He was supposed to know these things about himself by now! He rolls around in bed, restless. What was he supposed to do?

Jungkook sits up abruptly. He obviously wasn't getting any sleep now—there was too much on his mind. He pulls his laptop from off his nightstand, opening it into Naver.

With shaky fingers, he slowly types, 'Am I Gay?'

The first thing that comes up is a book about a dog questioning his existence. He sighs, rewording his search. Why was dog and gay the same word in his native language!?

This time, he was greeted by a mix of articles and quizzes. It was all overwhelming to Jungkook, he didn't know what to do. He clicks on the first article, reading.

There were explanations that give Jungkook no clarity. He tries another one—fruitless once again. He swiftly avoides the quizzes, terrified of what the results would be.

What if he was gay? What would that mean for him? Would he have to hide it from the world? Probably—he was an idol after all, a pretty boy marketed with the slight possibility he could be yours one day. And what about his parents? They've never said anything homophobic, but that being said, they've never talked about the subject at all!

And Jimin...did that mean he was secretly in love with Jimin? Is that why he thought about him all the time, and felt all the things he did when he saw him? Jimin was pretty, and kind, and smart, and witty, and adorable...but did that mean Jungkook wanted to date him? Or did he just enjoy him as a person? As a friend?

A tear rolls down his face as he skims through an article on the second page of Naver. These results were only giving him more questions. He wasn't going to figure this out tonight...was he?

At the thought of that, he breaks down. He didn't even really know why. He was accepting of people for who they were, he loved the LGBTQ community! So why was he so scared? Why was he hesitant to try to figure this out about himself? It was just his own mind, and he'd accept himself if he were anyone else!

If he were gay, and he knew and accepted he were gay...things would change. That's all he was sure of. And even if it was only internal, things would change. And change was terrifying, no matter good or bad.

He slams his laptop shut, his room going pitch black. Jungkook met Jimin two years ago, he's even flirted with Jimin before, just because it was the thing to do—fanservice. So why was this happening now? Why did he question things now?