Sex?

Chapter 78

Everything was so beautiful again, the glow seemed to return as I spent every day with a more relaxed smile on my face that became natural and beautiful just as before.

Spending time at the dance program, or program, and walking down the school hallway once more with a sparkle to my step, I felt vibrant again.

Even though my classes for the program didn't start until after winter break and the New Years, June and Remmy made room for me for the free classes and I found myself going back there almost every day of every week, driving there in my new car.

And for a moment I thought I wouldn't need a car in a small town like this where you can walk everywhere, everything served a purpose though.

My normal routine of home, and school, and Andrew, and friends, - Tom, quickly formed again.

Writing, back to my life now, grey days and sunny days, exploring the lengths of the light brown interior of the studio and the entrance of the program that I so recently revisited, finding that there is more to just the circled desk and studio walls to the left of the entrance door, but a hallway that leads all the way around, leading the way to other studios that sprinkle the walls, with its glass walls and me shining along the light brown walls. More than just a community with one dance room, but multiple that take space of the well-length hallway that curved around the entrance to find the piano rooms, the music, the dance and the art rooms, truly beautiful. Transported into a dream and my not so dream life disappeared as I entered these walls and I slowly believed, I am living a dream, no longer lost and no longer a victim, no longer a leader I don't want to be, a follower of rules I don't agree with and I'm now anything I want, as June and Remmy say to be, "break free from labels that limit you."

As the days go by, growing colder and colder, mixing to the light sunny days to dark afternoons, playing around with Tom, meeting up with Andrew and hanging out with my little brother Eliot that seems to grow the more and more I see him, his ten year old self slowly scaring me that I feel soon he will no longer be so young, but I guess that's how we all become, even me. And with Elliot's playful self, I forget about the fear and enjoy being with him, being with Andrew, with Tom, and with myself.

Maybe I'm partly hiding the gap of Sally, the gap of my mother, and having no girl time with Alex, the gash seemed to deeply wound me more than it would have been.

But as I dance, act and learn to play the piano, just a few little keys as free classes, for now, I grow to trust what life brings me.

Hanging out with my beloved Andrew, the mix up with Sally didn't stop me being with Andrew, which seemed to be a rational thing to happen, to stop being with him, but we continued to exchange kisses, to laugh and sneak around my house. He brought joy to the reason why the wound started in the first place, he was worth it. With his deep brown eyes that brought me under, his chestnut hair that curled around my fingers, his smile that cupped his soft skin, making his cheeks tint a shade of pink, making me feel warm inside, our conversations let loose, natural as always just as my new routine of this program became, our relationship made me feel carefree and like me, yet, I never got the chance to tell him about my roundabouts to the studio, maybe it was my way to keep it concealed, to keep it a secret and safe like I did with his and I's relationship, but I let these thoughts slip away and simply just didn't tell him, it wasn't like it was that important, right?

I decided to stay positive, a side of me that I wasn't used to using, yet it made me feel alive, safe and sound while the world showed an insane and an unsafe side. I thought, what's the use of submitting to that side, right?