Sex?

Chapter 55

I've decided this little thing will be the place where I write stuff. (Mostly about Andrew)
Today, it was just the craziest thing. The day went by so fast and it felt like the world changed in just this one fucking day!!!
Right now, I'm lying down on my bed, plopped down on the cozy mattress as I write in this mysterious green notebook.
You know, I always thought highschool was just dumb and those typical stereotype schools were just a fantasy, but I feel like I'm currently living in one.
Do you know what I mean?
- of course you don't, you're a book-

I sigh, turning away from the book and lying on my back as I stare up to the ceiling.

Sighing once more, I breath in and out, hugging the green notebook to my chest.

I wonder where I got this book from?

I look back at the book and turn my body, facing the mattress with my belly once more.

I begin to write again.

You know, I mean, I feel like I've found everything I need. I've found a boy that really likes me and I.. umm... well, oh my god, I'm just blushing at the thought, fine I'll say it, I like him too. I mean, it's like he sees me. He really sees me. And I've recently gotten better at communicating with my friends and I'm not always just mean to them and I'm singing and dancing... and... well ... you know, I haven't done that in... well . . . FOREVER! And, I feel like, I'm... Beautiful! I'm myself and I'm beautiful!!!

Oh my god!!!

I get off my bed as I yelp out in joy, jumping onto the floor, squinting my eyes as I squish up my face in joy. My bed no longer tempting as I feel a rush of adrenaline flush through me.

I look back at the green notebook clutched in my hand and open it back up, writing as I stand on the carpet surrounding my bed.

Am I crazy?

I mean, I just jumped up and yelped ...

Don't lie to me, yes, I'm crazy!
I mean, I just screamed in joy for no reason, I'm 16, that isn't allowed, is it? Ugh, and I mean, I'm talking to an anonymous object, as if it can actually answer me and be the source of my answers and the cause of my problems ... Ugh.

I plop back onto my bed, my excited mood dimmed as I overthink the possibilities of my insanity.

My body fully onto my bed as the pillows take me in it's embrace. I look up at the ceiling in worry, my eyes searching for an answer as if asking for the ceiling's approval. As if waiting for the answer of 'am I really crazy?'

I sigh, looking away from the ceiling and then looking back at the green notebook that is still clutched in my hand. I lengthen my arm to look at it, my neck folding as I lay down.

I blink and then look away, back towards the ceiling.

Continuing the sulking as I continue grabbing onto this so called magic of a notebook, infuriating me as I think about it but I look calm on the outside, looking up at the ceiling just like any other day.

I shake my head, trying to shake this unknown feeling and unknown future ahead of me.

I look to the side where my bed side drawer sits. Looking at the wooden object and the perfection of it's stillness. I look at a pencil slowly rolling off the desk, watching as it gets blocked from it's course to the floor by the lamp that also stands on my little nightstand.

I then look beyond my drawer and look where the window is, right behind it. I watch as the sunlight shines through my room despite the drapes covering the screen. The white drapes flow from the small breeze caused by the small opening of the window.

The curtains are eliuminated by the sun, casting a warm shadow to my room, a flowy and calm feeling coming to me as I watch the sketches playing at the tips of the drapes flash calm memories through me. Reminding me the way Andrew had recently pulled through that window, as he leaned against the window's edge, his body casual and inviting as he looked my way. Then the memory of how Sally bursted through that window just a month ago before Andrew did, the way she sighed as she entered my room, exhausted by the climb, yet all the while happy to see me.

I smiled sadly at the thought and finally turned my head away from the window and back up to the ceiling.

Sighing as my eyes yet again searched the walls but this time without trying to find an answer.

I smiled as it came to me on its own.

I wanna talk to my friends, all of them.

My smile brightens at the thought.

I sat up, exilirated at the thought and dedicated to continue it.

Ready to adjust from my recent buzz of thoughts and to just go see my friends once more, I shifted my legs off to the side of the bed, letting them hang off the edge.

Then, I realized, I still had my book in my hand and suddenly I felt it's weight, pulling me down to the floor as though just the thought of this weird little object had made it suddenly heavy.

I hesitantly turned my head until I looked down, peering at the object, suspecting it as I looked at my fingers curling around the book's frame.

"Hmmm," I shighed out in thought, my mouth pouting out as I stared at it.

I finally then shook my head and looked away from it.

I stood up, sighing as I reached for my small desk and finally let go of the weight of the little green notebook, plopping it into the drawer and suddenly feeling free again.

I smiled as I closed the drawer.

Sighed as I turned away, closing my eyes, my head faced the ceiling, adjusting to the new air in the room.

I smiled as I shook it out, the thoughts, the worries and the little green notebook.

I jumped up.

"Okay," I said to myself, clapping my hands together, rubbing them in thought,"Let's call my friends," I said quietly, smiling.