Sex?

Chapter 50

I sigh happily. All day long- was a cloud of fairy dust only for me. I was trapped in a golden orb that I didn't mind staying in. It was beautiful. Walking around with such ease and such grace was just what I needed in this life.

At home now, walking around my big colorful bed, my room feels like it's glowing, as if, as if it's from me, my presence allowing this used-to-be dull room to flourish.

I giggle, spinning in my dress. It was like I was free, a little girl. Maybe a bit of a stupid girl, but who cares if I'm acting unusually stupid, I felt free.

At that thought, I jumped in the air, my hands high above me with a smile on my face.

I giggled once more, my childish self truly thriving.

I couldn't sit or lie down on my big tempting bed, I was too exhilarated. The thought of Andrew. Andrew's hair, his smile, his eyes, his lips, his kiss... Oh, just Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.
There can't be a person alive who knows what I feel right now, I would look insane if I ever told anybody about this.

I turn towards my desk drawer, which is sitting near my bed. Walking towards it, down the small aisle the dresser and bed space create, before opening it up to find anything to enlighten me. Looking through the hollow wooden interior of the desk, squinting my eyes to see through the endless hole where it seems to have nothing laying there. Bending down, my head practically inside the wooden object as I look through the thing. It feels like a peephole compared to me as I look inside it. My hand reaches inside the drawer, rummaging through scraps of paper, a rolling pen, dust bunnies sticking to my, I guess lovable fingers, according to these dust bunnies, which seem to not want to Get Off!

Anyway, pushing aside the small mess inside this tiny drawer, I decide to just open my eyes wide because squinting isn't working for this. The small cloud of dust puffs out from the recent scramble, leaving me to cough at the sudden dirt air. Once the gray puff of air vanishes, as if once it leaves it will show a magical object, the dust cloud feels to stay forever, lingering around my desk drawer as if taunting me for what's behind all the clutter.

But then the dust vanished as if it never were there, and it revealed a shimmering green notebook, illuminating like treasure in contrast to the old night desk.

I think my eyes were playing tricks on me at this point.

But I picked up the object anyway, holding the old yet somehow clean book. Colorful scraps of papers flew out of the side, showering pink pages, blue and red, all different textures too. I opened the book up, my child mind was imagining the book to have powers, I felt like it would be glowing as I opened the pages, and maybe it did.

Ugh, I blame these crazy thoughts on Andrew.

Oh, Andrew, oh....

I had to start writing about this, all of this, from the moment he looked me in the eyes, sending me a new feeling of delight, bringing me annoyance and a challenge. I had to write it all, from the first touch to our recent kiss. With that, I grabbed hold of a pencil within the drawer and began my scramble of words. Laying on my bouncy bed and finding a blank page to begin.

Nobody else must know how I feel, I must be crazy. Acting like a giddy child off an effect of a sugar rush, that was me, so unlike me, and it was all because of Andrew. ANDREW! ANDREW ANDREW!
It's a song in my head at this point.
His gaze was taunting, sending me a thrill and a boiling feeling at the pit of my stomach. Those eyes brought me to a new world, and to think I always thought they were any other eyes. And you might say there's no such thing as any other eyes, oh, well there is, once you meet Andrew's eyes, there are no other eyes... Only his... Only him, him, him...

Ohhh, I'm crazy for thinking this way. Who am I kidding, he's just a boy, a boy I don't need to care about, yet, I do. He stays with me even if I've got a short temper, and believe me, he's seen it. He stays, even if with my clear lies. He stays even if I'm confused and he doesn't just give up on me, he's stayed and stayed and stayed. There are no rules with him...
And... Well... Maybe that's the problem. Maybe the lack of orders in our relationship and lack of borders to see what we are is what makes me feel so crazy. Maybe this is why I'm crazy, because finally, with a world full of rules, I've found someone with no rules... And maybe that's... That... Is. Why....... I'm crazy.....

?

In a daze at my quick thoughts all flowing neatly and messily onto the page, I look at what I've created beneath me. Breathing in and out quickly as the rush sinks in, my eyes scan through the written page. Trying to calm my racing mind which has been released into the page, I sit up from my belly lying down.

Breathing in and out.

I sigh after it all goes away, my busy mind and confusion.

Fulfilled with my work, with a proud smile, I look back to the book and shut it close, putting it back in its place on the desk.

Landing back onto the bed, I feel the fluff of my pillows under my weight and my hair rises and falls in the movement. I look up to the ceiling. No thoughts in my head.

I sigh and that's when all of these bottled up emotions finally let go.

I smile up at the ceiling. I'm proud of my accomplishment, I just wrote what I truly felt.

And that's when I realized, that little green notebook, was the notebook I had locked away about a week ago because I was afraid it was the reason I was acting different... Yet, I think it just may be the source to help me.