idk, i feel like i've got no friends, why did shit have to go down this way? why do i always ruin everything? i just want to stop causing everything to fall apart, but how the fuck do i even do that? like i just can't control myself, i just want to fucking stop. i have no friends, the only person out of my family i give a fuck about won't even message me, just why the fuck did i do all this? i just want to stop, i just want to be normal, but i can't even fucking do that right, like it shouldn't be that hard to be normal.
FUCK!!! i'm losing control of myself again, why did i do this. why couldn't she have just felt the same? like if she doesn't feel the same then it's official, i'll be alone forever, like she's the only person i've felt this way towards. she's the only person i was normal around?
why couldn't she have told me to stop irl? like properly tell someone to stop then the other person can gather the seriousness of the situation, whatever all her actions have been fair, i'm just sick of being by myself 24/7. at school i go to my next class and sit there waiting for class to start, just sitting, thinking myself to death, i feel miserable constantly, and she won't even acknowledge my existance, i don't want to stress her out to much so i won't say anything irl, but wtf do i do if i can't even talk to her.
people think i'm just being edgy when i say i want to die, haha... i'm not... not that i'd do shit i'm just sick of feeling shit.
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versions 1.3-1.6 (Diary 1) [ARCHIVED]
Non-Fictionmoved to my new diary where hopefully i'll be less of a whiny bit- i mean where hopefully i'll be more mature for her time moves on, whilst my life is in a state of constant transit i'll just be refering to myself as L, i am currently on my final ye...
![versions 1.3-1.6 (Diary 1) [ARCHIVED]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/291103081-64-k372270.jpg)