versions 1.3-1.6 (Diary 1) [ARCHIVED]

let's talk my sexuality!

alright so as you probably have figured out i've fallen for a girl, arguably the greatest person to have ever existed, yes she has flaws but who doesn't. so i like a girl does that mean i'm straight, haaahahhaahahahahhahahahh no no it does not, so what am i bi, hahahahahahahahahhahaha no no i am not, so wtf am i? if u guessed asexual you've won the prize. now usually i wouldn't talk about this, but you have no idea who i am so what's the harm, also i'm in a good mindset atm so why not.

right so i'm asexual so what does that mean? well if u have notice i have ROMANTIC feelings for someone u might be thinking "wtf is this bullshit you're going on about?" and if this is what you're thinking... please stfu... if not why thank u for hearing me out. so i'm asexual, but that doesn't mean i can't have feelings for someone it simply means i don't feel sexual attraction, now that doesn't mean that selective attraction isn't a thing. granted having emotions for someone when i've only had 2 crushes including t is a bit difficult cause idk how to handle these emotions, but i'll live. anyway so yh i can have crushes, they just don't start in the conventional way and are much rarer then your average crush.

honestly the thought of sex terrifies me, like legit having sex would be one of the most terrifying experiences to ever exist. like ok i'm not against sex, i've watched porn and some of that shit is pretty (the women, men are gross tbh, i know i'm a hypocrite), but the thought of me having sex yh... no. like don't get me wrong i want to have sex one day like dying a virgin would be kinda sad, but like i don't feel compelled to have sex.

again honestly i have no idea whether i am asexual, but i'm not straight, definitely not gay, not secretly a woman in a mans body cause well... i have a penis... i see it everyday, i'm definitely straight but i'm not at the same time, idk what i am and honestly thinking about this has given me a headache so imma go to bed cause it's 12-

holy shit it's 12:14 imma definitely sleep in tomorrow, night peeps, also sorry if i come off as a bit obsessive about t, this is just my way of venting my emotions for her so i don't confess for the millionth time haha... i know it seems creepy but how else do i even vent these emotions? like i can't really tell my family that i like a girl without being relentlessly mocked, and i sure as hell can't tell them about my sexuality (my brother already mockingly calls me asexual, haha yes i am thank you now stfu dickhead) anyways goodnight!