Ghost

Chapter One Hundred Four

                                        Nats POV

       I'm standing in the middle of the common room shocked. Spencer left, just like that. . I'm not even sure where she went, but I assume back to her house in Russia.

       I can't believe I made her feel like she's less important. Like what she wants isn't enough. I am such an asshole.

       I want to break down and cry or yell or hit something. But I am not able to do any of that as a voice finally snaps me out of my reverie.

       "What the hell was that, Nat?!"

       I turn to find Yelena standing in the doorway with a bag in her hand.

       "Um.."

       "Why did I just walk into a screaming match between you and Spencer?"

       I don't really want to say it, realizing how stupid I was now that it's too late.

       I must take too long to answer.

       "Why did I hear Spencer say that you make her feel less important? And that what she wants isn't good enough?" Yelena looks pissed. Actually, she looks like she's about to go black widow on my ass.

       "You missed the beginning. It got out of hand. We both were saying things we didn't mean.."

       "Right. But she's the one that's made to feel like she isn't worthy. She's the one that's hurt," Yelena cuts me off.

      "Hey, I'm hurt too, okay? You think I wanted to push her away.. push her to leave?"

      "I don't know, Nat. Do you know what you want? Or what Spencer wants? Because it seems like you didn't even listen to what she was saying."

      "I know I messed up, alright? I'm not saying I like what I said or did. Of course I want what Spencer wants. But can you blame me for wanting her here?"

      "Kind of. She's told you she doesn't belong here, yes? You don't even see it," she says rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

      "Well yeah.. but she does! She has powers and she has great control. She gets along with the team. They all love her."

     I see her shaking her head at me.

     So I get defensive and cross my arms, throwing as much attitude as I can into my, "what?"

     "You still don't get it. Sure, she loves the team and the people. But they're superheroes. Something she never had the luxury of believing in. And you think she wants to have the pressure of being there for everyone? Of saving the world? She's already worried she isn't enough."

       I swallow back my anger. It's all I can do. She's right. I didn't even see it.

       "You think she wants to keep testing her powers with the stone when that's all she was used for before? Hydra wanted her to have more powers so they tortured her. Thanos used her to try and get the stone, hoping she died in the process. She's strong, Nat, but Spencer has a breaking point, too."

        Damn it. How did I miss all of this? How did I become so blinded by what I wanted that I totally missed what she needed?

        I'm suppose to be who she could turn to when she needed anything. And instead I pushed her away.

      "I can't believe I missed it.."

      "Yeah, well, you seem to be a bit distracted."

      "What is that suppose to mean?" I'm back to being defensive.

      "Please, Nat. You work a bunch. So she hangs out with the team. Which she should. She needs them as friends, too. And when you are here you watch her like a hawk because you think she's going to cheat."

      "I do not think Spencer would cheat," yup, I'm very defensive now.

      "Really? Could have fooled all of us. Valkyrie and Wanda think Spencer is hot so you barely trust her with them. For fucks sake, Nat, you have to work out while Wanda and Spencer train. You want her here but you barely act like it."

        Okay. She got me again. Have I really been this horrible? I am not the girlfriend I said I would be. I haven't been the girlfriend I want to be. I haven't been the girlfriend Spencer deserves.

       And the whole time I was making her believe she wasn't worthy. That she wasn't being an incredible girlfriend. And she was. She is.

        She always made sure she heard how I felt. She was there when I needed her. Always there to comfort me.

        Damn it all.

        I go to say something, anything. But apparently Yelena isn't done.

       "You know, Spencer goes above and beyond for you. Always making sure she takes care of you when you think she's stepping out on you."

      "I know.." I try.

      "No! And the best part of it all?"

      I don't know what she's going to say. I already feel like shit.

       So when she walks closer to me, getting right in my face to say whatever she's about to, I don't move.

      "You don't trust her around Wanda. But you're the one that was sleeping with Wanda while Spencer was on her death bed."

       I can't help it, my mouth drops open. I didn't even remember that. And it certainly wasn't intentional. We were watching a movie and it was nice for a few hours to not have to keep myself from the brink of a cliff I was on as I worried about Spencer.

       It wasn't anything more than falling asleep. Sure, she cuddled a little close to me.. and I accepted it when she wrapped her arm around me. And yeah, I fell asleep on her.

      But it wasn't like that.

      So I go to defend myself.

      I don't get the chance.

Remember what I said about Spencers spectacular timing?

      "You slept with Wanda?"  I hear Spencers hurt voice.

      I turn to see her standing there with a bag of what looks like junk food. But just not any junk food. I can see my favorites sticking out of the bag. She also has a duffel bag in her other hand.

      I bring my eyes up to meet hers and there's tears freely flowing down her cheeks.

      I want to reach over to wipe them away for her, but she takes a step back.

      "You slept with Wanda?"