DYING TO KNOW | TAEKOOK

38. I'm Not Your Hero

*content warning for adult language and mature themes*

Taehyung spent hours watching Jungkook sleep after having a difficult time actually getting him into bed. He just stared, without any intention of falling asleep despite being tired.

He was waging an internal war. His usual ways of helping a situation weren't actually helping, nor did he have anything to offer Jungkook that he didn't already have.

It made him sad to witness this giant, open, decaying wound. It was like watching a car wreck. He could see it, but he couldn't fix it and he didn't really know all that much about it.

Sleep overtook him at some point, just when the sun was beginning to dilute the color of the sky, but only in fits and starts. He woke up with every move or muffled noise Jungkook made.

Sometimes the younger would scream or cry out in his sleep, but there were no recognizable words.

Every time that happened, Jimin would show up in the doorway, sleepy and silent, to check that Jungkook was coping.

Taehyung was relieved when Jungkook woke up, and was surprised to feel that way, but he smiled nonetheless and waited for him to speak first.

"Thanks for coming back," he said, eyes half-closed.

The older brushed Jungkook's hair off his forehead, "What's that song? It's like where you lead, I will follow anywhere, that you tell me to," he hummed a few bars of the tune.

"Of course I came back to you," he whispered, after feeling satisfied that he'd made his point with the dorky song.

Jungkook nodded, "I really am sorry for scaring you. I told you I was a handful," he murmured ruefully.

Taehyung held up his palms in front of the younger and wiggled his fingers, "Hands. Two, to be exact," he smiled at his own joke.

"Dad joke," Jungkook mumbled, and rolled onto his back.

The older chuckled at himself, "Hey, I didn't have a chance to tell you yesterday," he paused, watching Jungkook's face as he looked at the ceiling.

"None of this changes how I feel about you either. It probably needs to change how I act, sometimes. But that's okay," he murmured tenderly as he brushed along the younger's brow with his fingertips.

Jungkook pulled his lips together, "This doesn't change who I am, either," he said reluctantly, "I was like this when you met me."

Neither of them said anything or even looked at each other, lapsing into an unremarkable silence. The younger continued to stare at the ceiling while Taehyung tried not to stare at him.

Finally, Jungkook sighed and turned onto his side to face the older.

"Do you think I'm gay?" he asked, with a slight crease between his eyebrows. His eyes were busy with something. Everything.

Taehyung chewed on his lower lip and frowned a little.

"I don't know, Koo," he answered mildly, "Do you think you are?"

Jungkook let out a few heavy breaths and tilted his head back and forth, "Maybe. I don't know," he answered, restrained but unemotional.

Taehyung just nodded and tried to ascertain whether he thought this was progress or not.

"I just-," the younger tried hard to formulate his thought, "I've been thinking about it," he admitted.

"That's understandable," Taehyung granted softly.