DYING TO KNOW | TAEKOOK

23. Guilty As Charged

Jungkook felt so much better but also so much worse as he prepared for his mom to arrive.

On one hand, he was so glad that he and Taehyung were on better terms. That they weren't exactly cheating on Jin.

On the other hand, he was wrestling with the whole thing. He could no longer deny that he was attracted to Taehyung.

He had felt more sexual desire in the weeks and months since meeting Taehyung than he had maybe ever in his life.

It felt good to be around Taehyung. But could he date him? Marry a man? He wasn't sure. It was so infuriating because he wasn't even sure it fucking mattered. Who cared, anyways?

As it turned out, he did. And then he didn't. And then he changed his mind.

Over and over and over.

And this was where his mind went when he couldn't sleep at night. It never stayed one way or another.

He got out of bed and used the bathroom, looking down at himself in the process. He was not used to feeling appreciated or even enjoying being touched.

A part of him wished Taehyung would touch him. Another part of him only wanted to have Taehyung's platonic presence there with him, like a security blanket. An emotional support man.

He noticed that his heart was beating fast and wasn't sure why, but he took a Xanax and crawled into bed, leaving the bedside light on.

Jungkook leaned over and looked at his phone, 10:01pm. Not too late yet. He grabbed a book, dog eared and well loved, and tried to envelope himself in the story. Tried.

Around midnight, he was teary and bleary eyed from reading when his phone buzzed.

He snatched it up, answering without looking at it, wondering if something was up with his mom.

"Hello?" he barked, blinking back sleep.

He softened when he heard a purring laugh on the other line, "Hey Jungkookie," Taehyung breathed, voice deep like coffee, "I was thinking about you."

Jungkook perked up, "Oh?" Oh.

"Are you sleeping?" Taehyung asked, "I was out walking and your house is all lit up, so I was just wondering," he dove in, headlong, normalizing his voice.

Jungkook laughed, trying to feel and sound easygoing, "Nope. Just reading. Come on in," he said warmly, before jumping out of bed spryly.

It felt like two seconds had passed, if not fewer, before there was a quick knock at the door.  

Jungkook yanked it open and he was there. Wet lashed and puffy faced, but he was there.

Taehyung looked up from his sneakers, "Hi," he said, voice groggy.

The younger took a quick step towards Taehyung and enveloped his whole upper half. He felt a brief shudder, Taehyung's head heavy on his shoulder, "What are you doing out at this hour?" he spoke in hushed tones into the older's ear.

Jungkook pulled back just a hair, and leaving their agreement in the dust, kissed the side of his head before taking his hand and leading the older inside, pushing the door shut behind him.

Taehyung sniffed, looking down.

"Oh, Tae," Jungkook cooed, dragging the forlorn figure over to the couch, gingerly pushing him down. He leaned up against the younger until his breathing normalized.

"I'm fine. It's fine. Night is just hard, for some reason," Taehyung laughed, trying his best to just be normal, "Everything kind of comes crashing down around me."