Sex?

Chapter 35

But then again came the thought of ' who gives a damn' ' it's okay' it's fine.'
'Andrew'

My eyes widen at that last thought.

Looking around me, making sure that nobody's around me to have heard me or at least making sure nobody's watching me deal with the thoughts in my head, I turn back forward with wide eyes.

I probably look like a freak.

I shake my head, sighing.

It's okay- I try to reassure myself.

It's just the gitters or maybe I'm sick?

I shrug and continue walking home.

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Opening the doors to my home, I enter the warm house, taking off my jacket.

It's cold for October.

I shiver and I walk more into the house, into the kitchen that takes place in this entrance.

Shuffling around the kitchen, trying to figure out what to eat or do something, I open the fridge, grabbing a cold water bottle, and then close the door.

"Uh hum," someone coughs.

Bouncing backwards, I look at the sound, finding my mom standing behind the refrigerator.

I cup my heart.

"Mom, we gotta stop meeting like this,"

My heart's beating, as if I've been caught doing something bad, which I haven't done anything bad.

"Where were you last night?" her arms are crossed, her eyebrows raised as she asks the question.

Ohh, this is what she's talking about; I guess I have done something bad.

I place the water bottle on the kitchen island beside us.

"Uh,"

"You do know that you're grounded?" she raises her eyebrows more.

"Uh." I shrug, trying to smile it out.

She shakes her head, awaiting some excuse, but I can't think of anything. I'm usually so good at this, my snarky attitude always ahead of me, what's going on?!?

My silence seems to catch my mom by surprise and that's when my snarky attitude kicks in. I smirk at her.

My mom's eyes slit, she starts a glare match with me.

Which is stupid, but I go along with it until she finally gives in, turning her head.

I want to chuckle out loud, but I hold my breath, my smile trying to peak out.

"You've been doing some trouble recently, you aren't usually like this," she says looking back at me, with her eyes trying to make me spill something, which only makes me uncomfortable. "Come on," she sighs, clearly mad, "talk to me," she commands, but I stay silent.

The silence doesn't last long, my mom getting impatient quickly as she talks again.
"Eli-za," she says, breaking my name, my real name.

The sound of my name catches me by surprise and I feel my heart sink. My eyes slightly widen but I keep my composure, trying to act unfazed. She knows how my name affects me.

She knows!!!

Anger boils in me that she'd use such a tactic to get my attention.

How could she say my name knowing how, ugh!

I continue to try to stay calm and act unfazed at the mention of my real name.

I look at her eyes and she tries to urge some kind of look that supposed to tell me something important, but all it does is make me look away.

"Nina! You have been out, drinking, and Sally was drunk in my house, and I had no idea where you were," she yells, trying to scare me, which did kind of make me bounce, but I'm putting on my chill, at least she called me Nina this time.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" she says, trying to play the guilt card, which only makes me roll my eyes.

My rude behavior always comes out as a way to hide my true feelings, acting badass is my ego's motto, nothing stops me from being right. I hate it, but I continue it, sometimes the ego wins.

She huffs at my attitude and lack of communication.

"Ni-na," her jaw is clenched as she says my name once more.

I sigh out loud.

"Mom, just leave it," I huff, my voice in a whine as I begin to walk away from the kitchen island, not letting my ego take any further control.

Turning away from her, I walk closer to the stairs, calming myself down by ignoring the problem and moving.

"You come back here, young lady,"

My recent plan of just walking away ends and I feel a sudden urge to scream.

I stop moving and I turn around slowly.

I'm pissed now.

Nobody calls me young lady.

My teeth clenched now, and my hands too, I manage to put out a smile and I continue trying my chill.

My mom's expression is priceless, she seems to regret saying those words but also seems scared at what I might do next. My mom isn't the type to let her ego take over her or to lie, so her trying to act stern doesn't show as proudly as it did before.

I laugh.

"Mom, you're pathetic," I say, trying to get back to my relaxed sense as I say that to her calmly, not wanting to go anywhere I know we shouldn't go.

"Don't talk to me like that!" This then ends yet another plan and I no longer can keep it together.

"Well then don't talk to me like that! If I'm such a young lady, then show me some respect." I turn around, moving to the opposite side of the island, before turning back towards her to fire another comment that my ego always has to put out there.
"And nobody calls me young lady or Eliza, you know how that makes me feel," I spat, my turn giving her the guilt card.

"I-I-I, I know dear, I'm sorry, that was over the line, I know things are tough," she says all the while trying to get closer to me, but I back away from her touch.

I shake my head.

"No." I begin to walk towards the brown stairs that take up the space between the kitchen and entrance, the stairs wide.

"Nina," she calls.

"No." I zap my body around again, my voice loud, towering over her as I stand on the steps,"You don't get to come to me and try to mother me, when I'm the one who's the mom of this family. This stupid family," I spit out,"You came crying to me about Chris, Chris for fucks sake, you deserve better mom! And then the other day you're smiling because some boy was in your room. So don't come to me and say how I'm being trouble." The words coming out of my mouth make me sick, knowing that this is what my mom's doing, sends me over the hill mad. I love her so much and I hate that I can't stop my sense of pride and just accept my consequences. I'm revealing all of this information that she probably doesn't think has affected me. Recalling all the things that I find distasteful about her, let's my last ounce of anger out, giving me a reason to storm out.

I turn back around, storming into my room, not giving another glance back.