Agent Mikaelson

Chapter 4: One-Sided Converstation

Hope's POV:

As I step into the room where Bucky is, I let out a shaky breath. I haven't been in here in two days. Not a long time by normal standards, but I've visited him almost every day since he's been under. Seeing him like this gives me mixed emotions. 

At first, it hurts that I can't talk to him, or hold his hand and lay my head on his shoulder, but at the same time, I'm excited that something that has torn his life away from him is finally in the process of being erased from his mind. 

Still, it sucks that I can't talk to him or show him around Wakanda, or even just sit in silence, knowing that he's there if I need anything. We depended on each other for half a year and now he's not really here. 

It's a hard adjustment, especially since we only just realized how we felt about each other right before he went under. So, when I come in here, I sit, and I talk. Another hit comes from knowing he can't hear me. 

Shuri said that he was mentally conscious, but due to being in the cryofreeze pod, he really can't hear much of anything, but still, I talk and I write. I remember back in school, when I was bored, I would read Stefan Salvatore's journal. 

I felt like I was reading his life and I could imagine every aspect of his 180 years of life. So, I decided to write a journal for Bucky to one day read, so he doesn't feel like he's missed any more of his life. I want him to feel like he's right here with me. 

Another thing that journalling has be helping me achieve, is a slight bit of peace. I've always been one to bottle up my emotions, knowing that I couldn't put this kind of burden on anyones shoulders if I can barely handle it. Journalling allows me that outlet to let out my emotions. 

Closing the door behind me, I go sit on the medical bed next to the pod, setting my journal beside me and facing Bucky. "Hey, Buck. Sorry I haven't been in in a few days. Things here in Wakanda have been crazy with T'Challa's ceremony preparations." I smile at this. 

"You should have been there. I don't think I've ever seen such a large group of people just...joyously celebrating. It's refreshing, but also, it feels strange. I haven't seen this type of happiness since I lived in New Orleans. You would hate it." I chuckle, knowing my words are true. 

"They call New York the 'City that never sleeps', but I swear there's always a party in New Orleans, especially near where my family's compound is in the quarter. When you come out of this and I get your name cleared, I'm going to show it to you." I say with determination.

"I want you to know the life I lived before I screwed up, before the world went all crazy with aliens. When the strangest creature to walk to earth was me. Maybe we can find our peace there again. I know we had it in Bucharest, but maybe New Orleans can be it for us." I think about it.

Could be really find peace in a city that has been so cruel to my family? Despite that, it's still home to me. It'll always be home, despite the pain and heartache, it's where I was born, where I had the best moments of my life along with the worst moments. 

"You have to meet my family. Freya, Rebekah, Keelin, and Davina will love you and Kol and Marcel will pull the protective older brother slash uncle cards on you, but I do think they'll come around." I explain, grinning at the idea of him meeting my brother and uncle. 

THere's a beat of silence. "I miss you." A small tear fills my eye. I don't think that it actually set in that he's frozen, unconscious, not aware of my presence and that he might be like that for a while. "I'm happy you're finally being freed from whatever Hydra did to you, but I miss you."

My voice cracks to the end. "Shuri, T'Challa, Queen Romanda, and Okoye have been great, taking my mind off of everything, but it's still hard to know that you're not talking back to me." I wipe the tear that has begun slip down my face. 

"That this is a one sided conversation that you'll only hear through my journal in however long it takes for them to come up with a cure for your mind. I know it's selfish, when am I not selfish, but I just want you to say something back." More tears have begun to fall. 

"To tell me I'm being ridiculous or for you to laugh at my stupid jokes. Something." I take a deep breath and finally dry my eyes. "I feel ridiculous. You can't hear anything because of the pod. It's like talking to a wall. Not even your subconscious can hear me." I sigh.

"The others probably think I'm crazy for coming in here everyday to talk to you, but it's what helps me sleep at night. Knowing that when all this is over you'll finally feel whole again and that we'll finally be able to live a semi normal life." 

I think about what Shuri was talking to me about while I was designing T'Challa's suit. "You know, Shuri said that we could stay here, away from the world. We can have a little cottage by the river. It's sounds peaceful. Like a dream that isn't really attainable. But it is." 

A small smile flits across my face. "We can have a life here, together. No more fighting. No more wars. Just peace and quiet. Steve could visit, so could Nat, Wanda, and Sam. You might not like him now, but you'll come around. He's a good guy. A hard worker. Steve trusts him and so do I."

More silence. Of course more silence. He can't hear any of this. I sigh. "Well, I think I'm gonna journal now. Time to face the reality that the only way you'll ever know what I said is with this journal." I say, lifting it up and waving it in the air slightly before placing it on my lap. 

"You'll wake up soon James. I just know it."