Smoke of His Breath // Ethan Torchio

lesson 96: running away from your future is not possible

Before starting off this chapter I want to thank my baby, my online Damiano, CloCMacLeod for being with me every step of the way. Reading her comments were one of the reasons why I wanted to write in the first place. Thank you bestie. Thank you especially for assuring me my decision was right.

I assure you guys, in the end we'll be satisfied with the finale but until than you are all about tp either hate me or love me for this:

5 years later:

And when you go away
I still see you
The sunlight on your face in my rear view
This always happens to me this way
Recurring visions of such sweet days

(Sunsetz- Cigarettes After Sex)

"Why are you in a rush?" Giugno asked. I looked at the clock.

"Why do you think?" I asked. It was almost 3. I should've already left the cafe but I had to clean up before I go.

She looked at the time and nodded. "Obviously," she said. She looked at the table cloth in my hand.

"You go, I'll handle it from here." 

I looked at her beautiful honey colored eyes. Her dark black skin glowed under the yellow light. Her wavy brown hair was falling down her shoulder and reached her waist. She was wearing a red bandana to prevent her hair from falling. "You sure Gigi?" I asked. She nodded.

"I have to take her home early today. Damiano is coming back to town so I should give her a bath. You know how much excited she gets when she's about to see him." I explained. 

Giugno smiled flirtatiously. "Well its Damiano David we're talking about. I would be excited too."

I rolled my eyes. "Please stop hitting on my best friend." I said.

She raised her hands like a criminal defending herself. "Hey don't be jealous. You're raising her kid I could never compete."

I laughed. We could continue joking about this but it was time for me to go to pick Marlena up from the daycare. I removed my apron and left it on the counter. As I was leaving behind the counter I blew a kiss to Giugno. "Love you, bye."

I left the Cafe I was working at part time for the last 4 years. Damiano was of course helping me financially because Marlena was practically living with me and the bastard was almost considered rich ,their fame had gotten more and more over the course of years,. But when I started university my expenses had gotten out of hand. Being a filming major costed a lot and now that I was almost an adult I didn't like spending my mother's money. I never liked it actually but I've had enough and realized I needed to act on it.

I walked -almost ran- to the kinder-garden to be in time for Marlena. 

I would never want children. I hadn't grew up with parental love so caring a child always seemed impossible. Marlena , of course, wasn't my daughter. Being a mother was not a title I would want to take from anyone. But her being with me was the best thing that I could've had. Because until last year of high school I was always alone. Only person I had was Miruna and that was it. But in our senior year, I wasn't alone. Not for a moment. I was so used to being around them. I had forgotten who I was before them. And now, they were out of the city -sometimes even the country- for more than half of the year and Miruna was away for college for years and she had now found a job outside of the country.

My life could have been pathetic. Alone in a big city, going back and forth between college. Left alone.

But Marls was there with me through the whole thing. I often felt like she wasn't the one needing me. I was the one needing her.