Smoke of His Breath // Ethan Torchio

lesson 62: boys fall in love as much as girls do

I'm so excited to write this chapter. I truly hope you like it <3

Enjoy,

But nobody knows you like I do
'Cause the world may not understand
That I grow stronger in your hands
*
I feel like a better man, just being in the same room
We never sleep, there's just so much to do
So much to say can't close my eyes when I'm with you
Insatiable the way I'm loving you
(Insatiable- Darren Hayes)

*
Ethan Torchio's perspective:

As I was walking down the street, all I could think about was Carmen's eyes looking at me worriedly before I left David's house.

Her motherfucking green eyes.

The eyes which made me feel that I was worth looking at.

I hated that our relationship was something that brought her pain. I hated she had to face all these problems because of me.

Sure, I wasn't a fan of the situation either but her presence in my life was enough to face them all. The struggles I went through before her were much more unbearable.

I had no idea how that beautiful girl had managed to become the center of my life in such short notice.

I used to forbid myself from feeling anything. Because I knew if i allowed emotions in, only things I could feel would be anger and pity. Anger to the world who had graced me the life I had. And pity, to the boy who used to cry every night because of his father.

That was why, I had started seeing Miruna, along with all the other girls. If others had seen me as the strong, repellent boy, I wouldn't be someone they pitied. I would be someone they feared and envied at the same time.

All of these were until a girl had walked into my life out of nowhere and forced me to feel things. Good things, for the first time.

It was impossible not to feel good when she touched me. It was impossible not to feel good when she smiled. It was impossible not to feel good when she shivered every time as I got closer to her.

If only things were different. If only things were easier.

But they were not.

We had found ourselves in a very complicated situation and we were the only ones who could get ourselves out of it.

I thought of the lessons I used to give her. She had no idea that I knew shit about what I was doing. I wasn't the person to build the healthiest relationships. I was iust unintentionally putting myself to Thomas's place. I was thinking "what would I like" and the answer had became simply her. What I liked, had became her.

And in order to keep loving her, I had one last thing to deal with. That's why I had called Thomas to meet him. I saw him standing under a streetlight which wasn't on because it was still bright outside.

He smiled at me when he saw me. We shook hands in a "manly" way. (w.n: i feel like this is a sexist term but i have no idea how else to explain xoxo)

"Is everything all right?" he asked. "I couldn't see anyone but David last night after prom. He said girls went home because they were tired."