Smoke of His Breath // Ethan Torchio

lesson 15: you can't always follow a rulebook for a relationship

multimedia: Carmen

I can't stop thinking about this fiction throughout the day...

Enjoy,

'Cause you're just a man
It's just what you do
Your head in your hands
As you color me blue, mm
(Norman Fucking Rockwell-LDR)

"I honestly cannot believe he had asked you out for Halloween." Miruna said. Even though it was a week later, she was still so surprised to this. She often complained about Ethan not doing the same thing for her. I probably should've told Ethan about this so he could act up. I took a mental note.

The whole halloween thing was pretty exciting for me as well. I couldn't believe it still. I had never seen him bring a date to a school event. He always hung around with people casually, but never an actual date.

I forced myself not to put to many meanings to this but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but wonder if he really felt something for me or not.

In the past week, we were never alone with him but we had spend a considerable amount of time with Miruna, Ethan and occasionally Victoria by our side. I had realized I wasn't wrong about him, at all. He was distant, for sure. But he also had a very pure heart. I often had to pull myself together with an elbow poke from Ethan because I was constantly staring at him, mesmerized.

"I'm sure he will ask you," I said to Miruna. "He wouldn't miss an opportunity."

She rolled her eyes at me. She folded her arms. "You don't know him like I do. I'm sure the bastard expects me to ask him."

I thought about this for a minute. I didn't think he was waiting her. I'd never seen him expecting something from the other person. If he felt like doing something, he would do it.

I shrugged not wanting to say anything. When we got hungry, I made us two sandwiches. It was a school day so we both were tired. We sat on the couch, chit-chatting about little bit this and that. I got distracted when I heard my phone receiving a message.

I'm on my way to yours'

It was from Ethan. I panicked, looking at Miruna to see if she saw the message or not but luckily she was focused on the TV.

Don't. Miruna is here.

I texted him. I tried to be as casual as possible while looking at my phone to not take her attention.

Send her out. I'll be there in 10

Why was he so overbearing all the time? I felt a little panicked, looking at Miruna. I knew I couldn't change Ethan's mind about coming so I really had to send Miruna away.

"Hey," I said to take her attention. "Can I see you tomorrow. I have some homework to catch up to."

She looked a little confused. "Do you want me to go away?" she asked unbelievingly. "No," I said immediately, trying my best to not offend her. "Of course I don't want you to go away. I was just distracted lately thanks to Thomas and I'm far behind in everything. I think I need to study a little."

She looked at me unconvinced. She knew I would never study. She looked a little offended just like I was scared but she left saying it was okay. I was kind of relieved she had left without any difficulties.

Not too much after she left, Ethan arrived. He welcomed himself in. I was about to yell at him for coming here like this but as soon as I saw his face, I realized he wasn't in a good mood.

"Is everything all right?" I found myself asking. He sat down on my couch. He lit himself a cigarette, not saying anything.

He hold his head between his hands. I was still standing, trying to understand what was going on. I saw a couple bruises in his hands and arms so maybe he had gotten into a fight.

He finished his cigarette without saying a word. He put it out on the ash tray.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked, finally sitting across him.

"About what." he looked at me for the first time today. When he did that, I saw he had bruises on his face as well. Now I was sure he had gotten into a fight. Maybe it was with a boyfriend of one of the girls' he hung out with.

"About you." I said. He looked at my eyes with an expression I couldn't quite figure out. 

"I'm here for a lesson. We shall not talk about me."

It was obvious that he was lying. It was obvious that he wasn't in the mood for a lesson. I wanted to help but I didn't push him too hard. I didn't know what had happened and I was the last person to understand his feelings.

I didn't ask him what the lesson is. I knew he would say something random to slur over.

I made us tea and I gave him the extra sandwiches I had made for Miruna and I. He lookes surprised by it but he accepted it without saying anything.

I wanted to go back to our usual talks. "Why haven't you asked Miruna out for halloween? She expects you to, you know?"

He looked at me as he was swallowing his bite. I looked at his hands grabbing the sandwich. They were too big compared to the small
piece of bread.

"She does?" he asked. It was obvious from his face that he had never thought about it before. I took a sip from my tea and nodded.

"She thinks you are waiting for her to ask you."

He frowned. "No I'm not. I didn't think she was waiting for me to ask though. I thought it was obvious that we would go together, especially now that you and Thomas are going together too."

This was the first time I witness him being clueless about something. I shrugged.

"Of course she waits you to ask her. You of all people should know she likes that kind of attention and gestures."

He nodded, biting his lip. "I guess you're right. I was just... distracted lately. Thanks for letting me know though, I know you don't want me to date your friend."

Even though I wondered it so much, I didn't ask him what he was distracted by.

"It's not i don't want you to date her. I just don't want neither of you to use each other that's all. And also you have nothing to thank me for. It was also a part of the deal." I said. He already knew my most embarrassing secret -the fact that I was in love with the school's popular guy who happened to be his best friend- and I didn't care what he thought of me so I could tell him anything I wanted. Without needing to choose my words carefully.

"Maybe you should be giving lessons to me from now on," he said. He looked better than when he first arrived.

I laughed out loud with what he said. "Yeah! Sure," I said sarcastically.

"I've found a lesson for today." he said, looking proud.

"What it is?" I asked with curiosity.

"You can't always follow a rulebook for a relationship. Everyone can fuck up so don't go harsh on yourself if you fuck up."

"Hey! Don't be unfair to me. I haven't fucked up yet." I said laughing.

"I fucked up multiple times. And I'm sure you will too. Remember this lesson when that day comes."

I shrugged. I liked to hold on to the idea that everything was going to be perfect, always.
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Chaos is right around the corner. Multiple ones actually 🙃🙃

With love,
Asteria.