Smoke of His Breath // Ethan Torchio

lesson 19: never get too excited

Hi! Today was a busy one so I can only now sit down and start to write.

The weather is insanely hot what the hell.

Also don't forget to

Enjoy,

*

These people round here

Wear beatdown eyes sunk in smoke dried face

So resigned to what their fate is

(Come on Eileen- Dexys Midnight Runners)

When I was inside of the home, I would not usually lock the door. No one would visit anyway. Only Miruna would come over whenever she wanted so I would leave the door unlocked to not bother every time to open it.

I was actually studying in my room, when I heard her footsteps. I had to study for English Literature because I couldn't trust that asshole. He could make me do anything and I'm sure he already had something in his mind.

If I won, I could figure out something that could downgrade his ego. I would be doing god's work for everyone.

"Carmen?" Miruna called out my name. "In my room!" I replied, shouting for her to hear too. In the next few minutes, she showed up at my door.

"Are you studying?" she asked, saying the obvious. I nodded. "Yeah I was pretty distracted lately so I figured I should catch up."

She nodded but she didn't look very convinced. She looked around. "You had said your mom was in town."

I shrugged, turning back to the papers in front of me. "I lied. I needed to study but didn't want to sound like a nerd."

She found herself a place to sit on my bed. "So you rejected Thomas to study?" she said, criticizing. I turned back at her and shrugged again. I didn't say anything about this. She decided to help me study. She had taken English Lit last year. She was better than me academically but I liked to read more. But reading wasn't enough to beat the shit out of Ethan.

We spent our time studying a little bit. I realized I was far behind than I actually thought, which meant I needed a lot to do. 

After a while, Miruna closed the text book. "Exam week starts next Monday. This is enough for now. I'm too tried."

I nodded. She was right, I was pretty tired as well so I tidied up my desk. We both sat down on my bed. 

"I feel like Ethan is avoiding me," she began to speak. Here we go, I thought to myself. "I can't understand him. One day, he is all about me, he wants to have a relationship. In the next, he acts like he doesn't care about me. It's been days since he spoke a word to me."

I bit inside my cheeks. I didn't want to say anything wrong. As her friend, she needed me to support her but I needed to rationalize Ethan's behaviors for her to forgive him. Because that was the deal.

"Well, it's pretty clear that he wants to have something with you. He might be busy with some other things. Or he might be waiting for you to act up. Do you make it clear that you are willing to try again."

She glanced away, guilty. "I didn't. Because I don't want him to get a big head. He already is self-centered enough."

Oh, wouldn't I know, I told myself but didn't say it out loud.

"Maybe you should return his flirting." I said because I knew this is what Ethan would want me to say to her. She looked at me unbelievingly. 

"Carmen, a month ago you hated his guts and would do anything for me to avoid him. What changed."