Snowflake

Twenty Nine

I am officially going to puke in school for the first time! It is official, the bathroom is still long steps away and I feel my insides marching towards my throat. It is okay, I just have to keep it in for a couple more seconds.

Finally I walk into the smelly bathroom, my little bat cave.

I need my cave right now, and maybe a blanket, I feel like crying but I am also angry but also just nauseous. Maybe I will stay here for the rest of the day, I never want to go out into that hallway again. Especially the part in front of the English classroom. It was traumatizing. Just, I don't even know how to feel right now, the scene is replaying in my mind over and over.

Maxime was just putting his books away (which was great for me cause then I got to look at him without him knowing) , which is what I have been doing for at least a month now. He looked so cute today, with his hair still semi wet and oversized jean jacket, and then my fantasy was forever destroyed. Cause into the hallway came Jennifer followed by her friend group. I just thought she was walking by, going to lunch. But no, she was not! She was there for another reason. The worst reason of all! To see Maxime.

As soon as I saw them together, whatever I was thinking just sounded like white noise. It was like a dream sequence. Or a nightmare sequence in this case. They, they, they...

Hugged! But like not a friend hug, a dating hug that took at least a full hour. And just the way he looked at her, it was too much for me. I even saw his vision tunneling for her, it was so disturbing.

I was, and still am obviously not okay. My heart is crushed. Like when you grab sand and smash it into little pieces in your hand. My sandy heart also hurts now, even though that sounds really cheesy. My muscle in the chest area is sore and it will forever be.

I am supposed to be in Geometry in ten minutes. But how can I? My legs are incapable of moving and my whole body just wants to collapse to the ground and stay there.

I will have to face reality sometime. Maxime is officially taken, and not just taken. He is dating Jennifer of all people. Jennifer, the girl who calls other less athletic girls names. And shoves people into closets against their own will. And who annoys me just because she does.

Plus I could never see this coming, if there are two polar opposites in this school, it is those two. Maxime is literally quieter than the walls, and Jennifer is probably the record breaker for the most words spoken in a minute. Plus she is really into sports and parties and he is a geeky reader boy. How does that even work?

Now, I officially have to go to class, I will have to survive last period. If I see Maxime or Jennifer, I will just look at the floor and take deep breaths, the best coping mechanisms ever invented by someone who has never had a panic attack.

I walk out of the stall to throw some water on my face. The cold hitting my eyes actually calms me down a little bit. My face is just very swollen but from rage this time, and my hair is in a shape that is impossible to describe. I have never looked more attractive.

I think I hear some quiet sobs coming from the other stall. A lot of people are having a bad day today. Is this person also crying over a stupid boy? Well he is not technically stupid, he is still a nice person who is dating another less nice person. So let's hope he is not an influential person or else that will not go well.

The sobbing is still going. But I don't know if I should say something. It is so hard to know what to do when people are crying. Do I ask if they are okay? Or just leave them alone. Cause I personally hate crying in public, and even more so when people notice, it is just a tricky situation to be in.