Snowflake

Three

We are finally at VJ's sitting at one of the tables next to the window. The entertainment of watching people on the street continues. San Francisco is just beautiful, the roads are so bumpy, when you are in the car it's more like a rollercoaster. Not to mention the multiple turns in a street that should just be straight, just adds to the charm.

We haven't talked the whole way over here, so I am already preparing myself for that awkward conversation about why having friends is important. We always end at the same point, that I will try my best to be more open. But maybe the problem is not me. I think of myself as a nice person. I have watched all of the Harry Potter movies and read the books like everyone else. There is no reason for me to be excluded.

I mean, I could make a bigger effort but it's just terrifying. Like, how do you even start a friendship conversation? It's just too much to think about. In all the books that I've read, people just seem to step on each other's feet and start the conversation from there. I could try that sometime.

The waiter comes to take our orders. Veggie burgers with vegan cheese and sweet potato fries is my forever order. As soon as he leaves my parents throw me that famous 'we need to talk' look. I sit up on my chair and clean my throat.

"Those girls were nice." Said George.

I am not sure how much he gets that I am not social. He was a popular guy in high school. My dad has been out of the closet since he was sixteen, and always so comfortable with himself. Everyone in his school adored him, he still has friends from that time. When I was little, he used to say that they would go to a juice restaurant every month to catch up. It was a bar. He thought that 'juice restaurant' was a way to hide the fact that he drank alcohol.

"They said hi and you didn't give them any attention." Completed Vincent, adding more wood to the already burning fire."It actually seemed like you were hiding." He finished. Completely misunderstanding since hiding was my intention from the start.

"There is nothing to hide from."

"Also, didn't you use to be friends with one of those girls?" Asked George.

"Sort of. It's complicated." I answered, trying to not give a lot away.

It is actually very simple, one day Maya decided to just turn around and never talk to me again. She thought I was too uncool for her and just left I guess. I always thought about asking her about it because we were actually kind of close. The ending of that friendship was the first big event in my life that made me want to shield myself from the outside world. People come in and you care for them so deeply, a year later they turn their backs and walk away taking a piece of you with them. If I don't let anyone in, I will make it out with all of my pieces.

Maybe my parents will get it someday, my thing is being quiet and observing people. After all, I have way too many opinions about everything so, maybe people wouldn't find talking to me very cool. Not that I care.

"I don't really understand, you are the funniest person I know. Just show that to everybody." By that, my dad is referring to my extremely sour sense of humor and nerdy jokes that no one gets except for me and my cat.

"You just need to let your personality shine." He insisted.

"I don't think that is such a good idea. It would be a lot for people to take in." I answered by trying to end this conversation.

The food arrived and ended it for me, thankfully. There is no way to keep talking with that mushroom deliciousness in front of me. Meals are for appreciating not listening to lectures. Plus I have survived sixteen years not having friends and I think I am doing well enough. So why change now?