He couldn't get him out of his head on this one particular evening, when the rain outside smashed against his window and the freezing temperatures made his mind roar to life.
The wind was coming in deep gusts and he was contemplating doing the one thing he swore the day they left, he would never do again.
"Fuck."
Getting up, he ran to the door and threw it open, grabbing his keys on the way out, he slammed his feet against the puddle filled driveway as he covered his head and rushed to his car.
"You dumb son of a bitch."
—
Sam wasn't the type to do anything, at least nothing stupid, out of this world stupid.. but where he was sitting, hiding from the rain, his whole thought pattern was contradicted. Looking up at the house, he gripped the door before swinging it open and running to cover, bashing on the door repeatedly, bouncing on his feet slightly.
The door swung open and the warmth of his house filled his cold limbs, he couldn't explain why he felt a pulling sensation.
"Sam? What are you doing here?" Colbys voice wasnt one of love or concern, it was annoyance.
"I just.. I cant stop thinking about it Colby, I mean we had the you jump and I jump, crazy kind of something. Don't you agree? I'd do anything for you man and what I did those past two years proved that, whether for you or not, I came out to my parents for you, I stopped eating sushi for you because you hated kissing me when I had rice in my teeth." He chuckled slightly as Colby stared blankly at him, he would be lying if he hadn't thought about this moment for months, years even, just.. he would never let himself do it.
"I miss you Colby, I can't help it, I miss you and I want you and I can't stop. We had.." he stopped and hesitated as his tongue twisted on the right words. ".. we had-"
"A dumb love."
"Yes.. no! It was, we were young and stupid and crazily out of this world but it was ours and I fucking tore my heart out of my chest, just so I could be a better man for you, so I could come back here and explain myself and hope that you would listen and at least see the good.. ish side of me."
The rain hammered under the roof as they both stared at each other, the rain may have been soothing for stress sleepers but right now, Sam wanted to bite whoever controls the rains head off.
"Colby?" His voice hitched as he tried to laugh through the pain, his eyes strikingly still as he stared at Sam, then his hand came up and closed the door. Sams heart fell, he stumbled back slightly and just stared wide eyed at the door, his lips quivering, either from the cold or the fact that the one person he truly wanted, truly loved didn't want or need him back.
His eyes shook as he tried to regain his composure, back leg sliding slightly as he stumbled down the front stairs, into the pouring rain. His eyes squinting and closing with the splashing of the raindrops in his vision.
"Shit.. fuck.. why did I do this.." his voice was short and low as his breathing picked up slightly, tearing his eyes away from the door, he bit his bottom lip and sniffed, wiping his eyes and turning around. "Why did I do this."
Opening his car door, he got in and closed the door, turning the car on, he drove out of the driveway and back into the street.
—-
Taking off his wet jeans, he changed into his Pajama trackies and sat down on his couch, tv playing softly, windows closed and tequila in hand. Given he was a bit tipsy, not a lot, but a bit.
Bringing the cup to his lips, the doorbell rang frantically and he put it down, the smell of good alcohol drifting away as he got up. Peering through the hole in the door, his hand instinctively opened the door, despite his brain screaming at him not to.
"Sam I-"
"Listen. What I did earlier, total mistake and I don't need you turning up here and demanding me to shut up and leave you alone because I get it! Okay."
"So what you said two hours ago.. meant nothing?"
"Yes." He swallowed thickly, the taste of tequila laying on his throat. "Yes it meant nothing, it never did." Colby could tell he was lying, but that didnt make it hurt any less, he was his best friend and he knew, even if he tried to hate him, he couldn't.
"I don't care." He spoke. Sams eyes shot up and he leaned against the door. Colbys eyes shot to his waist and he swallowed deeply. Taking a step forward, his eyes shot back to sams eyes and reached a hand out, grabbing his waist and pulling him closer, Sam fell almost into him, their bodies crushed together. "Do you even know.." he drew back for a moment, eyebrows knitted together. "Do you know what it's like around you? I cant.." he ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. "I can't breathe whenever I'm around you."
"I'm in love with you." Sam blurted out, Colby withdrew his hands and took a step back. His eyes wide and mouth gaping like a fish.. "that's why I left you, I know it's hard for you to express yourself and I was suffocating Colby. I tired so hard to hold on and let you be you but I couldn't, it's not who I am, I need an answer, it's just me and I know that's rude and selfish but it's me!"
Colbys mouth closed.
"What do you want Colby" his voice was pleading with other man to just get out with it, like Sam did now and back then.
"I want.." he stopped and looked at Sam, hesitation and guilt resurfacing. "Doesn't matter what I want Sam."
"What do you want Colby."
"You okay."
"Then just.. tell me how you feel."
Colby groaned and looked back down at Sams waist, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
"I want you, all of you. I want to kiss you, cook you breakfast, fuck you until you can't feel your legs and live with you.."
"Then just tell me Colby, why can't you tell me how you feel? What you feel."
He opened his mouth to retaliate but shook his head and looked at the door. Sam rolled his eyes.
"Unbelievable." Swinging the door closed he turned around and walked back to the tv and alcohol. The door slammed closed and he jumped slightly, turning around.
"I love you."
Reaching his body, he kissed with so much eagerness, his hands grabbing onto Sams waist and pulling him closer.
"I love you... Sam I love you." He whispered between breathes as they pushed their way through to the lounges. "I'm sorry it took me ages to tell you and to-"
"Shut up." Sam giggled as they fell backwards into the couch, Colbys hands grabbing and gripping Sams waist like his life depended on it.
The hours went by smoothly as the two of them laid in bed, smiles on their faces as the tv played friends distantly, Sam placing small kisses on the brunettes chest.
