It's been about a week, a week since I realised, a week since he stopped talking, looking or even glancing in my direction. A week since I lost my mind, a week since all and ever thought I had, revolved around him.
And I honestly thought such a little crush would be overturned, looked away and not thought of. But not with him, with him... god it was like I couldn't breathe without being near him, couldn't sleep without saying goodnight to him.
It was kind of like my mind had exploded, his face was the only thing I saw from then on out and I couldn't do anything about it. So while I sit here in the back of the mini van, on a road trip with the guys, my eyes find their way over to the blonde who's watching a movie on his phone and i settle.
"Oi Colby, can you drive for me?" Elton slaps my shoulder, jumping slightly, my head swivels away from him and I feel my heart cramp slightly. "Sure."
Jumping in the front, he pulls over and we swap seats, Corey jumps in the back and grabs a drink from the fridge. Turning back onto the road, my eyes stay ahead of me, while my head spins.
"How are you doing man?"
"What do you mean?"
He looks behind us and sighs, he always knows, even when I don't want him to.
"You know exactly what I mean."
"I don't know, one day it's like we're the closest of friends again and then we're strangers, if I knew telling him was going to have this affect on him I would never have told him any of it."
Turning down a dirt road, the gps flashes one more mile before our destination.
"Hey! Why did you want me to drive if we've only got like two minutes left?"
"You seemed out of it back there, it's better to have a distraction then to keep thinking."
Nodding, the gps turns off as I pull into a spot. Elton grabs the camera and yells at everyone to get off their phones and put the drinks down as he turns it back on.
"Were here guys, Coreys been drinking and can't even spell his own name!" Elton exaggerated as Corey smacked him up the head.
"Yeah? Well I can still beat your ass!"
-
Hopping off the bus, we all trek down through the hiking trails. Our bags clinking as we navigate our way to the waterfall. Corey and Elton were ahead of me and Sam as we walked side by side.
Occasionally our shoulders would graze each other and he'd moved faster away from me, or our eyes would lock and I'd almost hit a tree.
He never once spoke to me as we walked, just glanced at me and glared. God I wish I never told him.
"Look how beautiful it is out here!" Elton yelled as they made it to the waterfall, dropping their gear and Corey jumped head first into the water as Elton put the camera down on a tree and left it recording.
"Come on boys!" Elton called as Sam laughed and dropped his bag, jumping off the rocks and down into the water. I stayed back, sitting down on the tree beside the rock jump and looking down at the group.
Pulling my knees up to my chest, I watched as they all spoke to each other, all laughed and joked. My heart ached, it's done, we're never going to be like that again.
Sniffling, my eyes tear up as I watch them, I don't think I'll ever stop loving him and I don't think I'll be able to do anything about it.
-
Making my bed nice and tidy for when they wake up. I grab my bag and look at them one last time. My hands tighten around the letter as I open the RV door, it made a loud creak and Sam stirred. Dropping the letter on the table, I close the door and sigh, this was it.
-
Around thirty minutes later Sam woke up, he had fallen out of bed and hit his head on the table. Groaning, he reached a hand up to grab ahold of the corner, something else landed in his hand and he brought to down to look. A singular letter, his name at the front, reaching up for the table, he grabbed another three letters, all the boys names were on them.
He started to panick slightly, putting the other guys letters down, he opened his and stood up. His eyes welled as he read it.
Dear Sam,
I wish I could be honest with you and tell you exactly how it rips my heart apart when you ignore me. But I won't, I'll stay silent and wait for you to want to talk to me, which you wont, like usual. Being in love with you is undeniably breaking me and when I told you, if I had known you would react this way, I never would have told you.
I want nothing but the best for you but sometimes.. I just wish the best for you was me. I think it's time I let you go. And that's so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it's not healthy. So, this is me, cutting the thread. This is me doing what I should have done ages ago, because it has been killing me since I to you, I'm saying goodbye.
If the road brings us back together eventually, I'll let it, but only if it's ready.
Colby.
Grabbing the other letters, he shoved them away and out of sight incase the boys woke up, then he bolted, out the RV door and into the darkness.
"COLBY!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, eyes frantic as he ran off in random directions, he didn't know why, he didn't know why at all, but he did. His heart was gripping him by the balls, he was desperate.
"COLBY BROCK!" He screamed, tears running down his face as he turned in circles, hoping to catch sight of the boy. Running down the hiking trail, he continued to shout his name out as he ran, body feeling nothing but pain as he shot through the trail.
"COLBY!" He shouted as he made it to the end of the trail, stopping before the edge of the rocks and leaning down, his fist coming to his mouth, a deep sigh escaping his lips as he fell to the floor. His knees giving out and his tears flooding down his face, his entire body had given out.
"Damn it Colby."
