Snowflake

Prologue

We were up all night. I have always been the type of person that can't sleep before important events, and this was probably the most important one in my life. George and I have been wanting to start a family for so many years. After five years of marriage filled with uncertainty and overworking, we decided the time had finally come. The company was growing larger by the day, and we finally had a house of our own.

I finally decided to stop fighting the insomnia and get out of bed. We had to leave for the Foster event at three in the afternoon. It was only eight o' clock.

I went to the bathroom and took a long shower, almost hunched over letting the overly hot water slightly burn my back, thinking about how my life was about to change.

Remembering the warning from friends about sleepless nights, and no privacy. Every person we have talked to made sure to tell us traumatic stories about how their child broke a leg in football practice, or threw up on their shoe. Now I can't if they were discouraging us or just venting.

The fear of not being a good dad has been with me since the beginning. I thought that going through training and reading parenting books with redundant titles would help. It did not. George understands people better than I do, he likes to socialize and throw parties. I am the complete opposite, and I don't know if that's good. Especially if you are a father, my biggest fear is just not being good enough.

With that thought I basically dragged myself to the kitchen, and brewed the strongest coffee known to mankind. The least I could do is try to be awake. I can picture actually having a child, sitting on the chair in front of me. Telling me how they dreamed about dinosaurs, waterfalls and talking animals. Filling the kitchen like a ray of sunshine, while I am trying to make them eat their fruits. Breaking this gloomy grey with their light.

"Good morning." I heard from the other side of the kitchen.

"Good morning." I said, letting out a deep breath."I couldn't sleep."

George poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down in front of me. Smoke coming fromhis mug. His eyes were red and tired. He almost seemed nervous, which is quite unusual.

"It's today." He said smiling.

"Yeah." I said, taking his hand into mine.

I parked at the space closest to the door. The building was very tall and seemed a bit abandoned. Looming over the San Francisco skyline. I couldn't help but picture myself as a child seeing that building for the first time. Being told this was my new home, how scary that would be. After too many deep breaths in a failed attempt to calm myself I stepped out of the car. We had brought a special basket full of sweets George had baked last night, and a bunch of toys. Maybe too many since the back seat was completely filled. Even though we are not even sure we would be taking the child home today. But we had hope, in fact it filled us completely. The hope of a new chapter, of raising a child, having a person to take care of other than ourselves. We were told repeatedly it would be a long adoptive process, and this was just the first step, but at least it was a step.

My mind is filled with memories from taking parenting classes the past few months, our desperation to be the best in class. The example, for foster parents, for gay parents, for fathers. Rehearsing everything we were going to do and what we were going to say. Then later being accepted as future foster parents and adopters.

As we walked in, a receptionist wrote our names in large name tags. This is probably one of the most unusual scenarios I have ever been in. A huge room with children, couples, and social workers with name tags. One of the social workers came up to us. Her name tag read Marta. She gave us clear instructions to let the kids approach us, instead of us approaching them.

A lot of the other couples were already talking and playing with some of the kids as we were standing there completely lost and uncomfortable. If I can't be comfortable in a room filled with kids, how can I want to have my own. Standing here waiting for a child to approach us, but none of them did. I started to think no kid would pick us. Which was understandable, who would look at two confused men in blazers and V- Neck sweaters as their perfect choice for parents.

Until I saw a big pair of eyes staring at me behind the cement pillar. Her dark curls falling on her face. She was wearing a light yellow shirt and jeans that were way too big.

" Hi." I whispered.

She waved, and started walking towards us, very slowly. Doubting if she was making the right choice. Her name tag read Sloan. I just remember thinking how I loved the sound of it. Sloan, just so beautiful and unique.

"Are you Sloan?" George asked with a friendly voice, even though her name was clearly visible.

"Yes." She answered with the most adorable voice I had ever heard.

"I'm George, and this is Vincent."

She smiled at us.

" How old are you? "

She showed us five fingers with her right hand. That was a little bit older then what we had originally planned.

"Do you want to see my castle?" She asked, already walking away towards a small lego table.

"You can help me finish it." She said pointing at the two small chairs in front of us. We sat down trying to squeeze our adult bodies into a child sized chair.

She had separated the pieces into color piles, each wall of the castle was a solid color. All legoes lined up perfectly.

"Is this for a princess?" I asked.

"No, it's for a superhero. Like the Bat Cave, but a castle."

"Oh wow."

"I love superheroes." She said enthusiastically.

"Me too." Started George."Which one is your favorite?"

"Spider man."

"Mine is, Captain America." He responded.

" But he is so boring."

" And yours?" She asked, looking at me.

" I think, Hulk."

" I like Hulk, that is a good one."

I couldn't contain my smile, maybe I was not doing as bad as I thought I would.

"So where is mommy?"

We both felt silent for a moment, we were both expecting that question. But the fear of her response was too much.

"Umm there is no mommy." George answered.

"No mommy?"

"Yes, just us two. Would that? Would that be okay?"

"Dad and daddy?" She asked with a smile.

" Yes, dad and daddy." I answered with relief, we had found our daughter.