Flickers

Chapter 26

I'm so confused
It's giving me a headache
(I know I lost it)
If you know, please tell me
I'm frustrated, curious

- Love attack, IU

They broke up.

It was told to me by Meryl and the fact that I haven't seen his girlfriend lingering outside our classroom was evidence of what has transpired in the past weeks.

It has also been a week since I've drowned myself in the guilt for something that I knew I have no power against.

I could feel myself being ridden with remorse imagining the tears that the poor girl would shed for him after being broken up with the person you once liked, the shame attached to me unknowingly as one of the main factors he broke someone's heart and the anger that I feel for Eric for hurting a girl just because he couldn't decide who he truly likes.

Even if it wasn't said to me verbally nor fingers have been pointed at me for being the third party (even though it's clear I'm not) or was the main reason for their breakup, it still hurts to be the main cause of someone's heartache.

I've experienced those in the past months and now I feel shameful for being the catalyst of letting someone experience those again.

"You know it's not your fault Ange" I look up to see Irish's uptight expression, her words did lessen the guilt that continued to manifest itself on my body.

"I know but..." I trailed off, hesitant to voice out the words. "He still likes me and now that poor girl is suffering from heartache"

Irish was close to my home and is the first person that I consult with whenever I have some problems that I needed the advice to go through to solve.

"It's his own business if he likes you, whatever the reason for their breakup, it's not your fault at all"

Even though I knew that it wasn't my fault and that I have done nothing wrong, I still felt guilty and felt so wrong for being associated with their breakup. Listening to Irish, I could somehow let myself believe that I wasn't at fault.

Sometimes you need another person to tell you that it's not your fault even after already knowing that it's not.

"Do you want to talk to him?"

You see I always frown upon martyr women portrayed in the media and there has been a lot of dramas that lay was portray women forgiving the man that they love even after such heartache that was given to them. It always slips to my mind how easy it was for them to forget about the tears shed at night, the trust issues one could have, and the scars that were left on them.

Now, if by chance I did get to talk to him, would I falter over my decision of forgetting him or abandon my destination of moving on?

"I would like to for me to get peace"

I would want to ask him some questions and hopefully, after that, I would want to reach a consensus and finally get myself out of a predictable situation I could face if I get myself involved with him again.

"Okay, let's do that tomorrow but first let's finish our assignment okay?" I finally let out a laugh after hearing Irish's words and nodded at her.

"Ma we're leaving now!" We were about to go to Brabante to print out the assignment that our TLE teacher told us to do, besides, tomorrow is Friday and we're about to cook some hors d'oeuvre in the canteen.

(AN: Every student near pantok who needs a computer and to print assignments and thesis go to Brabante but it's now closed maybe about a year ago or something)

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Chapter 26 is up!

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