Gazing in the Mirror

April 2nd - Wind & Fire

Fire, sacred fire...
To this heart open wide ...
Dry these tears I cry.
~ Denean (song lyrics)

We cannot destroy the Law but
we can re-direct Its movement.
Just as we plant seeds and later
we wish something else, we go out
and uproot the first seeds and
plant others in their place. We are
not thereby destroying the soil;
we have simply determined to
use it in a different way.
~ Ernest Holmes

At one time, we went out each Spring to burn our pasture fields. A decade before that, we ceased to lease the pasture out to a rancher to raise calves there each spring, summer and fall. About that time, we also decided to protect the riparian buffer by planting trees to hold the soil in place rather than letting it wash down the creek. After we no longer had cattle for a number of years a different rancher would come each summer and mow the fields to take the hay for his cattle. He would pay us a little money or leave us a few bales – depending on how the economic situation was that year. We were grateful to keep the fields "open" without having to do the hours and hours (or more accurately days and days) of bushhogging* ourselves. When that rancher wanted to retire, we began to look for alternatives.

Our state of Missouri's Dept of Conservation has been recommending "controlled" or "prescribed" burns for pastures. Part of the reason for this is that they want to be supportive of open space and pollinator interests that my family shares. The price of wildflower seeds is VERY high. The Dept of Conservation has found that the practice of burning encourages some wildflower seeds to grow and so we took a training class. The first year we did everything by the book. My husband disked a green line and planted it in Winter Wheat. Then he mowed that. We burned at the right temp, humidity and wind speed. Well "tried" to burn would be more accurate. Mostly we burned petroleum fuel from a drip torch. The process was slow and laborious. It was very safe and boring and not very satisfying. We never even thought we needed to use the backpack blower during those burns.

Then the next year, on this day, we headed out about 1pm. There was some light wind but within the prescribed tolerances. We were only going to start with a little 1 acre tract fire and if that went well we planned to burn another 4 acre tract in the same vicinity. This 1 acre area was where we wanted to eventually seed wildflowers. It is located behind the log cabin that my deceased in-laws once lived in. That burn was going well and the wind seemed like a help. It appeared that we were doing it all in the best possible way – until . . . the flames jumped the fire break. My husband described it as simply leaping through the air carried on the wind by the dry thin strips of Broomsedge grass to thicker stands of abundant dry fuel nearby. From that point on it was a race against the elements of wind and fire.

At first I thought that my husband and son were responding well enough. Even though my husband called for me, I stayed with the main tract for it seemed he was only seeking my attention. He did not respond when I yelled "do you need me there?" (later he agreed that my staying where I was had been the best decision). However, it was NOT under control, it was rapidly growing and getting much bigger. He got the tractor with the water wagon attached. My 12 year old son was running alongside with the nozzle, keeping up with the tractor and trying to spray the fire with water to put it out because we had not intended to burn that area. The water line broke and that tool became functionally useless. The battle grew much more intense after that. I wish I could say that I was strong and brave but I was not. The grass rake I was using wasn't very effective with even the tiniest flames and not at all effective against high flames jumping from grass clump to grass clump.

Sometimes the heat was so high it felt like I was roasting my body. The smoke choked me and soot would fly into my eyes. My lips and throat were dry and parched. More than once when my son came to me I'd send him back his dad to ask if we needed to call for help. We had informed the sheriff's office before we began that we were burning our fields. Each time my son would come back to me and say my husband didn't want help. I felt overwhelmed and inadequate. Certainly my husband was doing an admirable job and having a definite impact on the fire by using the backpack blower. The fire continued to spread. I made a decision to call 911 and then I called our neighbor. For generations, his family had been members of the local volunteer fire department. He had the advantage of proximity by living not far from us and he knows our terrain well.

While I waited for help to arrive I went back to an area that looked worrisome. The fire was racing towards the wooded area to the east of my deceased in-law's cabin. I was doing what I could and often feeling very, very discouraged. Certainly I felt humbled at my own inadequacy in the face of all that was happening. I prayed "Mother, calm the winds" and tried to feel as much certainty as I was able to feel in that moment of despair. I really can't say I knew an answer would be forthcoming even though my prayers are always answered in some way. From years of spiritual practice, I acted "as if" and took my own asking that seriously mindful with certainty. And the wind speed did slow down. Help did arrive and I directed them to the area near the forest. Their business-like confidence was reassuring. I took charge of the children – my son along with the neighbor boy and his friend who had been drawn by the excitement of watching their firefighting family in action. The 4 of us were effective at the small leading edges and kept the fire from jumping into the northern fallow field. The fire was eventually brought under control. When it was all over our 1 acre "start" had burned a total of 23 acres.

~ perspective

We burn for the wildflowers and
to give the bees and butterflies
nectar to feast upon but I am
all too aware of what awesome
forces fire and wind are.
After a fire it is often noted
how Life does go on and how
the plants continue to consume
the open space.
Grateful that we are good
neighbors who help one another
and that there is a fire dept
to call if assistance is needed.
Looking out on the trees we
planted over ten years ago that
are still small and haven't grown
very much yet I wonder how they
will respond to the burned grass
around them.
Life is a grand adventure and that
usually means times of intensity
where action is all that one has
time for and all thought is focused
on the task at hand.

Author's comment – this essay was written in 2013. We have since discontinued our practice of burning and spent 5 or 6 years planting new areas in trees. We are indebted for the assistance of our neighbors, who had many years of volunteer fire-fighting experience and who first volunteered their participation in 2014. They taught us so much that our confidence in managing fire increased. Our intention is that we never need to light a fire again and yet understanding fire well enough to confront any unwelcomed wild fire that might approach our forest.

#bees #butterflies #fear #forest #grass #humility #nature #trees #water #wildflowers