Gazing in the Mirror

February 10 - Where to Find Personal Power

Your deepest presence is in
every small contracting and
expanding, the two as beautifully
balanced and coordinated as birdwings.
~ Rumi

A constant realization of the presence
of Spirit will provide a sense of
Divine Companionship that no other
attitude could produce.
~ Ernest Holmes,
The Science of Mind textbook pg 276

Two daily guides in the Feb 2013 issue of Science of Mind magazine as written by the Rev Dr Noel Frederick McInnis collectively illustrated something of heartfelt importance for me arising from the opportunity to visit with my parents, my sisters, my daughter and my grandchildren at the end of my recent long journey. It had been 4 years since I had been physically present with any of them and approximately a decade since I had seen my youngest sister in person. The quotations above come directly from the Feb 10th daily guide offering in 2013.

During the decade prior to this visit, my sister experienced a long chain of unfortunate events beginning with a horse related accident, leading to the loss of her natural employment working with horses and some kind of scary traumatic circumstances with her previous employer/best friend. She also experienced a failed marriage and spent 4 years in a state of homelessness. At some point along the way she began to tell "stories" about her everyday activities that were hard for most common people to accept and believe. I spent some amount of time fruitlessly trying to convince her that these couldn't be true and that her life was actually different than she was telling me it was. Eventually, I came to understand that I really couldn't actually know anything as concrete as being either true or false about her life and activities.

In being able to visit with her in person, I was finally able to fulfill a deep yearning I had during her homeless period to simply sit one-on-one with her and have a conversation physically present with her. During the time I spent with her thus (3 days of 30-45 min sessions of one-on-one conversation with each other) plus the other 2 times that I spent with her in the presence of  our parents, my husband and my 2 sons, it came to me that she seeks to amplify her personal power by dropping the names of well-known public persons and connecting her own self intimately with them - yet always in this rather exaggerated way that dispels any belief in such a reality for the listener.

Therefore during my time with her I did gently attempt to share with her my own perspective that personal power comes from within one's own self and that no external authorities are necessary. I have no expectations about whether such a seed germinates and grows in her or not but I at least did plant that seed with my words and heart, without ever asking her to change anything about the way that she is or saying that there was anything "wrong" with her own current expressions. Time will tell of course but my gratitude is authentic that she has at least maintained the stability of a roof over her head and has even managed to stay employed occasionally since emerging from homelessness. That is enough of a miracle to satisfy my own deepest loving concern for her well-being.

On the first day with her, when "the story" began to emerge – I looked intently into her eyes and asked silently – "Who Are You ?" To my surprise something deep within her answered me out loud in words and described its relationship to the ego structure that I know as my sister. This was described to me at the time as a kind of layering. That which spoke to me was so intertwined within her that it is not totally possible to separate her current life's ego from this deep, more expansive entity also within her. Yet I became able to detect slight changes in her depending upon which perspective she was speaking to me from. I will stop short of describing it as possession. It seemed to me more like her soul surfacing for me plus a few fractured bits of personality, roles and masks, also active within her. The deepest part indicated to me that it was the font of knowledge within her that is beyond what can be known simply from external sources. Thankfully it also assured me that her current expression is non-aggressive.

The Rev Dr Noel McInnis said that a truth often eludes all who look outside of themselves in quest of knowing their I-dentity. He says that "the source of the question 'Who am I?' is the bearer of its own answer". He concludes the Feb 9th offering with "Fortunately, this . . . may be found within the very being who bears your name". In the Feb 10th offering, he acknowledges how common it is for people to be hard on their own self. I've noted that my sister has some rigid rules that may have helped her survive her years of homelessness but now are obstacles to her living a more balanced quality of life. She maintains protections that may not truly be necessary any longer. I have found that "true companion" within my self and this is the source of my own self-confidence, authenticity and power for living. My heartfelt wish is that someday my sister might be expressing her own deepest self more authentically and feel good about who that individualization actually is in physicality.  Sadly, I do despair that will happen in her lifetime but I never close the door entirely to that possibility.

~ perspective

I know my own self from that deep point
of perfection that created me.
I know that my reality is subjective
but the real of my reality lies within me.
I need no external authority to guide me
for my authority is ever present within.
I gently maintain my self-authority and
those boundaries that allow
my expression to be unhindered.
I am comfortable in my own skin and
find living an interesting adventure.

#acceptance #communication #family #heart #homelessness #intuition #perspective #reality #relationships #stories