Gazing in the Mirror

February 11 - A Creature Of Habit

One day at a time – this is
enough. Do not look back and
grieve over the past, for it is
gone; and do not be troubled
about the future, for it has not
yet come. Live in the present,
and make it so beautiful that
it will be worth remembering.
~ Florida Scott-Maxell

Never limit your view of life
by any past experience.
~ Ernest Holmes

I had spent the last 4 days trying to readjust to being home. It's not that I don't like being here. I'm quite comfortable and content actually. And I really like to think that I live in the moment and so can roll with whatever Life presents to me. The funny thing is that habit and routine are sneakier than I give these credit for being. What has been hard to adjust to is being more stationary. Also I was a bit overwhelmed to realize how much was demanding immediate attention from us upon our return. To be honest I was almost wishing I could just escape back to being on the road.

Yet as I tried to settle back down to being home again, I realized how much even being on the move and on the road becomes a kind of routine. Wow. It was almost a revelation. Here's an example. I would awake each day anywhere from 6am to 8am. I preferred to wake early because my online time would pretty much end by 9am at the latest. So I'd dress and go to the lobby of wherever we were staying and have a couple of cups of coffee, while I attended to the duties of being in my online communities. Then I'd grab a cup of coffee for my husband and another for my own self and head back to my hotel room. Usually my husband was waking up when I returned with the news turned on the TV (we have no commercial TV at home, so it is like a bit of a treat to experience that for awhile  - though we actually don't miss it, once we are home again) and perhaps catching up with his email and our business concerns.

I would take my shower in the morning (my boys all take theirs before bedtime) and we'd head back down to the lobby in time for breakfast, then return to our room to pack up for leaving by check-out time. We usually don't eat an actual lunch but rather just snack on jerky and nuts and the like. We also do whatever "fun" thing we can find along the way or if we arrive at some destination waypoint like a national park, we do the tourist thing – often for us it is hiking a trail, like the 5 mile hike we took around Devil's Tower in Wyoming or the 5 hrs of cross-country skiing we did at Yellowstone or the 6 hrs of hiking down into the Grand Canyon. My family members are definitely outdoor people.

Preferably around 6pm, and after perhaps 250 miles of traveling, we look for a place to spend the night. My husband won't drive interstate highways except when absolutely necessary and one can't see the scenery anyway in the darkness of night. We get a hotel room and go to dinner; and then the kids would jump on the beds and we'd watch whatever commercial TV helps us pass the time until sleep. During this trip I am remembering here, my oldest son became quite attached to the SyFy channel, even though most of the time he really wasn't interested in what they were offering (like "Ghost Hunters" which never really reveals any actual ghosts) or as old folks, we couldn't tolerate some of it like "Being Human" (werewolves) or "Lost Girls" (vampires) – often I don't understand what those programs are all about - OK Boomer.  He was so attached to that channel that if a room didn't have "good" TV (meaning 150 channels to choose from) he'd feel his whole night was wrecked.

Sigh. The morning we returned, I was pondering what to write - it occurred to me that we were not entirely living in the moment, though we actually were and continue to be. We were as much creatures of habit on the road as we are at home. At home I wake and have coffee and check-in on my online communities, check my blood sugar and weight, then get dressed and eat something. Each day I attend to whatever the day requires of me – which actually is living in the moment. I get whatever "snail mail" I need to get ready for the postal service.  Our mail is picked up and new mail arrives between 9-11am most days. When I wrote this essay, I could still do my long hikes in the forest.  I miss them but have to be content with the many years they were part of my routine.  Back in the day, my boys would head out with their dad to do whatever he had planned for his after-business working time.  I still have dinner to prepare every night and we eat and watch some movie together.  Since my mom died in 2015 and so many responsibilities were thrust upon me, my husband I cleans up the kitchen and refreshes the rabbitat, does the laundry.  He has insisted on continuing to do these things when as my responsibilities to the family of my birth have ended.  I don't complain.  I am a creature of habit and routine, it is grounding and soothing for me.

So even when life feels a bit different to me, I quickly readjust.  I enjoy my quiet, peaceful life here at home. I have all the usual annual routines related to taxes that I don't enjoy but must put some of my focus on until they are done . . . I go to yoga, my chiropractor and do the grocery shopping once a week.  When I have to I clean our aquarium . . . and on and on it goes. I like life nicely stable.  I found the year of 2012 a wild ride and was glad it was over and then came Trump in 2016, making 2012 seem like a cakewalk or prelude My thoughts turn often to this dissatisfaction that we feel as humans which makes us yearn for "change" – change what ?, why ? and do I really need to be eternally chasing change ? like some kind of spiritual quest. Ah well, perhaps "change" is an essay topic for some other day.

~ perspective

I become aware of all those thingsthat I do without even thinking about it.I try to change things a bit as often aspossible to keep from falling into un-necessary habits.Remembering to do things that aresupportive of one's well-being are habitsthat are worth keeping.Whatever is here right now is a gift tobe lived fully with awareness in thepresent moment.Insanity is doing the same thing over andover again and expecting different results. (*)

(*) With appreciation to Albert Einstein for that last one.

#adjustment #backroads #change #escape #flow #hiking #home #outdoors #peace #travel