Gazing in the Mirror

February 5 - Sometimes You Just Have To Make Changes

Things change. And friends leave.
Life doesn't stop for anybody.
~ Stephen Chbosky,
The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Spirit is Changeless Reality.
That which we call personality is
the instrument through which Spirit
operates, but Spirit can operate for
the individual only by operating
through him. Spirit is never bound
by the form It takes, . . .
~ Ernest Holmes

Changes seem to be the order of my days lately. Change is in the air for me along with snow. After struggling with the stress created by getting off to an unfortunate start with my doctor compounded by perspectives related to receiving significant revenue by performing drug trials at his establishment – my husband in noticing that my stress level goes up every time there is an upcoming doctor's visit with this internist suggested that it really was time for a change. I had actually been thinking the same thing but had not acted on it. Starting all over with a new doctor requires a lot of effort and may fail to produce the desired effect but I had to admit that it was time for a change. I needed to accept the reality that the relationship was not compatible and look for a doctor that was "more compatible".

It's true that what I refuse to confront, therefore implicitly accept, is not going to change. And even trying counts as progress. My husband decided he would like an internist at the same practice. What I found was a practice that includes several internists – men and women – and we decided together that although the gender of a doctor is not absolutely important, we would feel better about having an internist that is the same gender that we each are. The male doctor writes a blog called "Simply Healthy" and it is clear that his values match our own in choosing wellness and making efforts to promote that first before turning to drugs. He seemed to me to present a balanced perspective. So I made each of us appointments to see if what feels right on the surface will actually be right for us in reality. I feel calmer already and more optimistic.

Other changes have been taking place for me as well. In 2007, I entered an online social networking community. I immediately knew with certainty that I "belonged". I had found my tribe, my soul family. About 6 mos after I first joined the community, I created a space to study metaphysics there called Living Metaphysics. In the community's second incarnation, the community's space was closed by its owner without a lot of notice. My tribe scattered but remnants continue on wherever I can find them, many on Facebook. And Living Metaphysics continued on independently. It seemed that it might grow into a more mature form. Then its growth stalled. Somehow the people that were there lost the need for what it offered. The passion, excitement, discovery and sharing among its members simply died away. It seemed time for me to let that space go or fundamentally change what it had been.

Now known as A New Gaia on Ning, a remnant of the larger community continues on but is clearly dying now. It continues on a month to month basis and I know one day, it too will no longer exist.  Living Metaphysics already had a space there and so moving back "home" was the next logical step at that time. I didn't need to throw all of my previous effort away entirely. Some of it could be saved. During a 4 year period, I had poured a lot of my energy, my passion and my love into both spaces – A New Gaia and Living Metaphysics. Then, came a necessary "letting go of related responsibilities" phase. Living Metaphysics still exists within A New Gaia for however long that space exists. I needed to change my own role there and the end the degree of my own responsibility for the online community experience. Thankfully the relationships I have developed remain ongoing and I continue enjoy people who share many of my perspectives on Life.

Change can be very disruptive for some people. I've been reading Bernadette Roberts' The Experience of No-Self. I often discern beneath the surface appearance some self-interpreted story that may be for my own self alone. I know that with some people there comes a point of hitting the wall. And then . . . Roberts describes that moment when the small, yellow wildflower smiled at her on the monk's hill. Like that moment lying on the floor in rehab when Byron Katie saw the cockroach and awakened. Life goes on until it doesn't. Friends leave but life goes on. Loved ones die but life goes on. We stop and refuse to move any further but life goes on. Life doesn't care about any of it. There are so many ways to be and things to do. It's all Life living Itself in form.

People come and people go. I've found that anyone who truly desires my company will create opportunities and I accept that those who don't have other interests. It's all good. If someone really doesn't need an intimately close friendship with me, I am not "hurt" by that reality. There are so many people in the world today. Whenever I clear out a bit of space, I am gladdened to see the new energy come forth that was released by my choice. I will always be grateful for my "real" friends – those truly genuine people who accept me as completely as I accept them. You can't fake that. Someone can fake liking you. They can pretend to care about you but I can always tell the difference. I saw this expressed by someone this way – "Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you." I am that kind of friend but there are limits even so of what I am practically able to do for any friend.

Is it giving up ? Or simply making a change ? These are not an indication of weakness. I believe that it requires strength of character and enough intelligence to see the truth in some situations. I do believe that all that I have experienced is purposeful and may yet prepare me for some experience to come. In life there are many things that we don't want to happen but they do and we have to accept that. There are sometimes things we don't really want to know, even though we sense them so near conscious awareness that we almost do know. Often we actually do need to know what we would rather not know because what we need to learn is in that somewhere. I have learned that there is only one person I can't leave entirely – that is this self – as long as it exists. All those other wonderful people that I enjoy so much are honestly optional. Wonderful people exist without end, if I but look for them.

~ perspective

The next chapter of my Life starts
now, always starts now; and I try
not to get hung up reading the same
old story, over and over again, expecting
a different outcome.
I now understand the basics of my life
well enough to see constancy and
the temporal forms for what they are –
grateful for these and knowing,
they don't last.
Sometimes our expectations cause events
that, whether we fully realize it or not,
we brought about for our own healing,
growth and soul development.
Knowing when it is time to leave, or
to stop talking, when it is time to move on,
or to listen are the most valuable life skills
any person can learn to master.
When it comes to health, different people
have different perspectives and approaches,
it is wise to chose one's medical partners with
common resonance and perspective in mind.

#change #friendship #health #loss #perspective #relationships #responsibilities #stress #struggle #wellness