Gazing in the Mirror

February 13 - Being in Romantic Love

Love is the word used to label
the sexual excitement of the young,
the habituation of the middle-aged,
and the mutual dependence of the old.
~ John Ciardi

Love is an essence, an atmosphere,
which defies analysis, as does Life
Itself. It is that which IS and
cannot be explained: it is common to
all people ... Love reigns supreme ...
~ Ernest Holmes

A question was asked today – "What does being 'In Love' feel like to you?". And as it is the day before a well-known "love" holiday called Valentine's Day, I thought some of my musings about it might make a good essay for today. I began by acknowledging that the question probably referred to "romantic" love. Then noted that there is another kind of LOVE that is a consistent state of being which is impartially applied. Most people seem to be unacquainted with that variety of love, at least so it mostly seems to me.

When I first met my husband, and when each of my children were first born, there was a quality to my fondness that was quite intense. The love object can almost do no wrong in the eyes of their beloved even when evidence exists to the contrary. Often the "to the contrary" is based in unrealistic expectations. I believe these expectations arise because the lover is able to "see" the beloved not as they are but as their highest expression would be if they were capable of sustaining that expression. I believe that a lover brings out the "better" in their beloved, at least in the very earliest days of infatuation. Most of us have friends or relatives that we have witnessed in a state of infatuation. One must forgive lovers for being so smitten as this is a kind of attractive force that brings them more closely into relationship with one another.

Over the long run it is my experience that early infatuation gives way to reality. Either we accept our beloved, now demoted to an ordinary mortal, as they are – warts and all – or the relationships sour and become troublesome.

So, what does being "In Love" feel like ? Happiness, joy, wholeness, completion, encouragement, support, resonant companionship – GOOD. Being "In Love" makes every thing feel as though the world has somehow become "right" with itself or at the least the couple is even more "right" with each other than everyone else around them. It is easy for a couple in love to feel they have the best of all worlds and to feel sympathy for everyone else who lacks such a bond with another person. It is a wonderful "glow" to be savored because generally it isn't fully sustainable over the long run.

In the best circumstances, a deep and abiding respect and companionship takes its place which is sustainable and beneficial to the well-being of both partners. In other long-term relationships the conditions are at least tolerable enough for the couple to remain together. In the saddest cases the relationship becomes toxic and damaging and should end for the welfare of both people. They say that no man is an island and so it would seem that our happiness is influenced by having at least some close and satisfying love-based relationships. The inclination to partner up is so powerful that some even dare to suggest that the basic unit of human life is a couple rather than an individual.

Being "in love" inclines us to care strongly about someone else's welfare. We care if they aren't feeling well and may encourage them to seek relief. We rejoice with them in their happiness and success. We may even sacrifice our own inclinations to support them in career, welfare or other aspects of living a life. It is nice if the passion of romantic love endures. I believe that sexual coupling is important for keeping a couple well bonded and aligned. I believe that energies are exchanged that keep our harmony and compatibility stronger. Valentine's Day is a good time to remind that special someone that you care extraordinarily for – that those feelings are "real". Never assume that they simply know that without hearing it clearly from you.

~ perspective

I appreciate the ability to express myself
sexually with a loving partner.
I am grateful that my husband is also
a good friend whose perspectives are
valuable to me.
I am glad that I have a partner in
parenting for it is one of the most
difficult missions in life.
I am appreciative of the stability that
a long-term relationship provides for me.
I feel blessed to have fallen in love and
I am grateful for all of the personal
growth and development I have experienced
in the course of that relationship.

#attraction #companionship #energy #expectations #harmony #infatuation #relationship #respect #romance #sex