Gazing in the Mirror

February 23 - The Heart of the Matter

There is in every true woman's
heart, a spark of heavenly fire,
which lies dormant in the broad
daylight of prosperity, but which
kindles up and beams and blazes
in the dark hour of adversity.
~ Washington Irving

The pulsations of life are steady,
unceasing and perfect ... Love is
at the center of man's being, and
the calm, continuous, pulsations of
life are governed by Love.
~ Ernest Holmes

Some years ago, I moved my personal health care away from the specialists I had acquired for a variety of reasons but for whose specialty my health seems stable. They were expensive when the only outcome was a 10 min chat about how well I feel in general and how happy I am with my life. I was troubled by the fact that my mother had quintuple bypass at an age very close to my own age then. So I decided to acquire an Internist to assist me in keeping an eye on related issues. I regret making that one issue the focus of my relationship with the first man. It took a whole year to truly wrap my brain around the fact that I am NOT my mother. I am more active than she ever was and I've eaten better quality foods through my lifetime and I am more mindful of preventive health than she was. There is no reason that I should expect to have her health issues. To be fair about her, I have modern advantages of healthy perspectives that she did not.

In fact throughout her life my mom has had multiple and serious health challenges. Admittedly, I've had a few of my own but they have been quite different health challenges than hers. So it is that I have now experienced the "cookbook medicine" which is practiced today. I've had pressure from my doctor to take cholesterol-lowering and blood pressure medications and I've rejected them both after researching their side effects. I've no desire to take on another chronic medication that is going to be for the rest of my life and which will cause symptoms that won't be attributed to the medications but will be addressed with yet more medications.

So it was that recently I expressed my general philosophy of life to my doctor and to my loved ones. I consider death inevitable. We are all born to die and there is no guaranteed length of life allotted us. Many people expend a lot of energy trying to prevent the unpreventable. What is important to me is quality of life. I am willing to do the hard work of lifestyle modification to address the source of my symptoms rather than simply taking a pill to mask them. Should I take a pill for blood pressure ?; because I get white coat hypertension now when I'm in a doctor's office – so threatened and anxious do I feel about being there. If 3 out of 4 random readings throughout a day are good and only one "of concern" is that enough of a reason to treat it ? And more worrisome for me is a doctor's admission that most of their patients don't mind taking 20 drugs and don't even want to know why they are taking them. What seems to be guiding "cookbook medicine" is the doctor's office's worry that if they fail to "treat" me with a prescription drug they will be sued by my loved ones if I die.

Then came a story from a friend of mine, Kathy Drue, who writes marvelous blogs. Her husband's 47-yr-old co-worker died of a massive cardiac arrest at her desk at work. She was "Talking and laughing and joking and making fun of what's right and not right in the world..." and suddenly not in the world of conscious awareness any more. My mind wonders at such a young age. Were there any signs "of concern" that were being addressed. The spiritual in me wonders at the "sign" that day – "Earlier in the morning her computer screen lit up with the 'blue screen of death'." I remember my uncle dying one Thanksgiving Day and before he passed indicating a perceptive "truth" when the football game announcer said "it's almost over now". My uncle had battled Lou Gehrig's ALS – a long, debilitating and always fatal illness.

I always had good blood pressure until recent years.  I don't take the news that it is showing signs of creeping up lightly. This death of my friend's husband's co-worker reminds me that it is a serious issue. Probably the most dangerous aspect in my own life is that I am naturally an emotional person. I wonder - is this a good thing or a bad thing ? Maybe it is good that I let off steam and don't keep such feelings bottled up inside. I read recently that those who suffer from coldness in their extremities (as my husband does) may be manifesting signs of stress (and he is always SO CALM). The body is responding to stress by trying to protect the vital organs and clamping down blood vessels in the periphery. This can also be a serious signal of a cardiovascular disorder. High blood pressure and high cholesterol affect blood flow and the inability to thermoregulate can be a symptom. However I have none of these.

I don't like putting so much attention on my heart. I am finding that attention a risk factor in itself. For 6 weeks while we traveled, I didn't take my blood pressure, read my blood sugars or check my weight. I came home weighing the same as I left weighing. My blood pressure and blood sugar readings after our return are about the same as when I left. Still since my doctor requires that I check my blood pressure.  I am finding there is more anxiety in me when I am doing that and about my heart in general.  I notice all kinds of minor "symptoms" that weren't ever on my mind during our journey. So I have made a decision not to check it until a couple of weeks before I see the doctor and then I will only provide the doctor with a record that they can put in my chart to legally "cover" their practice – just in case I do "kick the bucket". At the time I first wrote this essay, the whole situation with my kids had gotten WAY out of hand and I found myself showing them my blood pressure reading during the fray. I have managed to get emotional with them less often, but sometimes I still do. As a family, we can all calm things down - so that I can stay around for many years to come. So yeah it always does have my attention - obviously !!

~ perspective

I care about my health and
do what I can with nutrition
and exercise to remain healthy.
I try not to create trouble for
myself by being overly attentive
to "details".
I feel complete with my life in this
moment and there is no sense that
I would feel I lacked the experience
of a good life if my life ended
suddenly and unexpectedly.
I apply wisdom and knowledge to
choose the best path to remain healthy.
With a compassionate heart for my
own being I allow my physical expression
to be one of perfect health because
I truly know that all is well.

#attention #challenges #death #emotions #family #health #lifestyle #philosophy #quality  #stress