Gazing in the Mirror

January 3 - The Value of Choice

We are what we pretend
to be, so we must be careful
about what we pretend to be.
~ Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night

Man has the ability to choose
what he will do with his life,
and is unified with a Law which
automatically produces his choice.
~ Ernest Holmes

Rumi said it long ago – "Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing". Along the way, we begin to understand dualities – good and evil, right and wrong, happy and sad – we begin to question. Where is the Divine in the midst of terrorism, shortages, natural disasters and political wrangling ? It is "beyond". Along the way the complexity of fragmentation and the impossibility of absolutes, along with a yearning for simplicity and a desire to return to a core of basic certainty may drive us to value choice which is a critical aspect of improving any life.

I believe that choice and therefore duality is necessary. It is the source of progress and evolution. Choice is movement. People who think they have no choice feel trapped. I am glad that I am able to make choices. I can choose to be a Lightworker or a Satan Worshipper. Both are part of wholeness but being part of wholeness does not make any particular expression necessary. Satan Worshippers and Lightworkers are not necessary to wholeness. They are choices. Choice isn't necessary to wholeness. Wholeness is still whole even without discriminate expression. Expression is what the wholeness is when it individualizes in form.

Every choice that we make will make all the difference to whatever comes next. We notice contrasts to define preferences. She chose that and that happened. He has lived a troubled life, I will not live the way that he does. In the midst of all this choice where is truth ? Did her choice actually cause what happened ? Certainly it was a factor in the wholeness as it expresses but not necessarily the cause. The troubles in the man's life may have been influenced by the way that he lives but the way that he lives may not have caused them. I have been drawn to begin a study of Non-Violent Communication (NVC) and in the very beginning of studying the practice I have been exposed to foundational basics and concepts that include Observation contrasted by Evaluation.

Evaluation is when we think we know why what we have observed has happened. An observation would be that she made a choice – if it is even that clear and in truth sometimes a conscious choice was not made though all decisions are a kind of choice. Maybe there wasn't really a lot of choice between the recognized alternatives per se but still there has to be a response to allow or resist. And whatever happened next flowed from that. We might observe that he drinks alcohol into a state of drunkenness. It could certainly be an influence on what appear to us to be his troubles though the man himself may not see his drinking as contributing to his troubles quite that way.

It is human nature to want to understand what makes people ourselves included the way that we are. Often what we think we know could be in reality totally wrong. By beginning to chose to simply observe the more solid parts of existence without trying to guess about the "whys", we get closer to a basic simplicity of life. Observation is basic as long as we have any physical senses to employ. Basic like breathing and our heart beating. We can have theories and we can ask gentle questions – did she think that her choice affected what happened ? Does his drinking sometimes seem to bring on at least some of his troubles ? One should use care so as not to trigger defensiveness because that is a common reaction on the part of the person we might thus question. That is why NVC suggests connecting with "what is alive" in the other person first.

Our observations may suggest to us what it is that is alive in the other person. Does our drinking buddy have a preference ? Is it driven by taste, cost, availability ? Does he drink to relax ? Is his life stressful or hectic, demanding ? We can seek to understand that whatever the choices he is making they are purposeful. They serve a purpose. All choices serve a purpose in a fragmented world of complexity. Choices are not wrong nor are they right. Contemplation and reflection about why we make the choices that we make and what happens after that can inform the next choice we make if the next circumstances are somewhat similar. Without choice physical life would not have any movement.

~ perspective

There is a space, there is a gap,
and choice is what fills that –
yes or no – to cause what comes next.
Choice means that the way to
possibility is open.
We cannot experience every
possible path or every possible choice,
but we cannot be afraid to choose
or we experience nothing –
choice is necessary.
Every choice carries risk because
there are no safe choices but
there is always some other choice
and even a choice not to chose.
We must take action to get anywhere
and often our first step towards
taking action is making a choice.

#choice #contrast #duality #evolution #lightworker #necessity #preference #Rumi #truth #wholeness