Gazing in the Mirror

November 7 - Overcoming the Paralysis of Fear

When a resolute young fellow steps
up to the great bully, the world, and
takes him boldly by the beard, he is
often surprised to find it comes off
in his hand, and that it was only tied on
to scare away the timid adventurers.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Begin to act from your dominion.
Declare the truth by telling yourself
that there is nothing to be afraid of,
that you no longer entertain
any images of fear.
~ Ernest Holmes

I do not find myself paralyzed by fear as once I did. My friend Lucienne likes to say to me "What's the worst that can happen ?". Another version of that is Eckhart Tolle's suggestion "Is there really any problem in this moment of now ?". So often what we fear is not something that has happened to us - yet. It is the possibility that it "might" happen that scares us so much. What I have found time and again is that the things I fear the most never actually happen to me. That should be comforting but it isn't always "enough" for reassurance.

We often dread some task that is placed squarely upon us – giving someone we care about "bad news", facing a vague call to meet with our doctor about some test result or a worry niggling around inside of us about "what is going to happen" when this unpleasant situation reaches its climax. So what is the worst that can happen ? We give the person we care about some bad news. No, I can't do "whatever" you wanted me to do. So the person is disappointed in you. What's worse? Their disappointment or your suffering and resentment at being "forced" to do something you don't really want to do ?

I had a situation for which I felt a personal responsibility but the impacts were not going to fall upon me alone. I feared that it was going to be the end of my marriage when the situation finally completed itself for I sensed a very unhappy outcome. I felt that my husband would "blame" me and not "forgive" me for his own unhappiness. I even told my daughter and my parents of my fear because they were more or less fully aware of the actual circumstances. For my own comfort I am grateful that I did not go into denial nor did I "run away" and leave my husband to sort through the mess without me – instead I got through it. Oh I procrastinated !! And did every other thing that I could think of to avoid the end arriving but arrive it did - finally. And the outcome was not happy. It was a serious financial setback but my husband's reaction was practical and realistic – and our marriage did not suffer in the least. Any suffering that my husband went through was solely due to his lack of control over the aspects that were only mine to resolve but which had a direct impact on him. However my "worst" did not happen. My marriage never even came anywhere close to ending. My husband never complained even the slightest about my role in the situation.

How many times do we fail to fully live our life because we are afraid of some uncertain or unknown aspect regarding it ? Through many experiences like the one I have just shared with you above, with the actual resolution of each one of these, I emerge empowered to face the next one with a greater ability to go through whatever it turns out to be. I avoid pre-guessing the outcome. I consciously avoid amplifying whatever fears I may become aware of being inside of my own thoughts and feelings because I can't truly know if any of these things will become an issue. Hence over time and through experience I have become less and less paralyzed by fear and more and more willing to face whatever becomes actual within each moment of now. The fear related to some unknown outcome paralyzes so many people that there is a thriving industry in the self-help community that finds a lot of business in the reassurances that everything truly will turn out okay, after whatever storm has passed. Storms clear the charge in our atmosphere and wash away much that we are unwilling to give up. Storms teach us about what is truly important and what is less so.

Children often experience a strong fear of the dark in the aloneness of their childhood bedroom and project these as "there is a monster under my bed or in my closet". "That scratching sound on the window is something trying to get in and get me at that very moment when I am alone, vulnerable and unprotected." Children have very strong and creative imaginations but they usually do not manifest their nightmares. They rarely demonstrate in their reality whatever it is they are fearing. The same is actually true for each of us as adults. The worst that we are able to conjure up in our imaginations – thankfully – does not manifest for most of us over time.

Hafiz is quoted as saying "Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions". So would I. Fear robs one's self of the possibilities that are trying to open their gifts for us. Many people will noodle over circumstances in exaggerated "what ifs" bringing suffering and anxiety into their life as they try to arrive at some decision. It is an incredibly painful process to witness and I would think even more painful to experience. What if we understood that there is no right or wrong choice but simply the choice to say yes to some experience ? What if we knew that regardless of whether we choose the path that goes left or the one that goes right, we are going to receive our full value in experience ? I wonder if simply jumping off that cliff into the unknown would prove easier for us if we didn't expect pain to meet us at the bottom ?

~ perspective

I make decisions rather easily
as I consider the consequences
in seriousness and yet I know
that in the end whatever is –
is simply a path of adventure
and I won't know how it is going
to turn out until I reach the
final destination.
I step away from my fears
whenever they show themselves
to me by knowing that in the
end all will turn out well even if
I appear to fail.
Knowing that the same spirit of
Aliveness inhabits all other people
around me, I feel that I am
surrounded by loving friends who
may yet challenge me.
Fear may simply be Spirit's tool
to push me into some action that
I have been avoiding.
Therefore I walk – not heedlessly
but alert and aware – into those
aspects of Life that scare me the
most for the outcome is often
a pleasant surprise.

#anxiety #confidence #disappointment #empowerment #experience #gifts #possibilities #reality #suffering #truth