Gazing in the Mirror

December 14 - Love's Vision

Love is patient, love is kind
and is not jealous; love does
not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly; it
does not seek its own, is not
provoked, does not take into
account a wrong suffered, ...
rejoices with the truth; bears
all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all
things. Love never fails...But
now faith, hope, love, abide
these three; but the greatest
of these is LOVE.
~ I Corinthians 13

Never limit your view of life by
any past experience. Prepare
your mind to receive the best
that life has to offer.
~ Ernest Holmes

There is a real kind of magic that happens when two people fall in love. Love sees the beloved not as they are in the moment but as they could be in their best expression. This is because God is Love. And when we see with the eyes of Love we are seeing our beloved as God sees them. Through the power of the love vibration a person will naturally seek to reflect back these good qualities to the one who loves them. This is all fine and good for awhile. Sometimes friends and family looking on may wonder how in the world the one who is smitten is unable to see their beloved in a more realistic way. Not to worry though for it comes eventually.

It is not that all these good things that we see in another person are somehow an illusion. Nor is it that our feelings of love create an illusion that we project onto the beloved. However the reality in this world is that most people do not live up to their potential. This inadequacy has many causes – a poorly constructed childhood, abuse, betrayals in the name of love, hardships, unfortunate events – the list is endless. The reality is that many people that we see walking around today bear some scars, some wounds and some damage from the experiences of their life. Therefore their core essence is veiled, it is clouded over and mutated by these experiences and is therefore expressed more darkly and less optimistically. Such persons are sad examples of these effects without a sense of self-worth or value and with a high degree of skepticism and disbelief in the possibility of "happily ever after".

So when we are in love we are seeing the beauty that God always sees. As human beings our expressions often fall short of that mark. There is usually a lot of room for either improvement or acceptance in most of us. If we do enter into a relationship, it oftentimes eventually comes to pass that ordinary reality sets in and adjusts our previously optimistic impressions or more sadly still relieves us yet again of our "dream". We do well to attempt to keep the flame burning by holding the highest and best impression of our loved one in our heart. In truth it is a transmuting force for good in any person's life. Sometimes we are given glimpses of aspects of our beloved that we chose to ignore early on in our relationship with them. Such is our attachment to the expectations that we carry in our hearts regarding the kind of person we believe our beloved to be. These glimpses of troubling aspects can come back to haunt the relationship later on in serious and sometimes dangerous ways.

I would not discount the value of love's ability to heal. It is also wise to have one's eyes wide open when falling in love and I recognize it is darn near impossible to accomplish that feat. Under the influence of love some people have or are able to make radical changes that actually endure. Under the influence of love people sometimes try to make changes they aren't truly ready to make in an attempt to hold onto the love they are feeling. The later kind are likely to fail eventually with both of the people deeply wounded as a result. It is not that the beloved intended to fail. They would not have made the attempt if the love of the beloved were not that precious and valuable to them. Yet in that moment of failure, criticism and judgment arise and in their wake that can leave lasting damage.

What to do ? Our heart sees aspects of the beloved that we sense they are capable of achieving. And there is a true reality in that. Still it can be a long journey from where a person is at the beginning of a relationship and where their beloved sees them as capable of "being" in potential. It is also true that often there is not that long-view and there is not the patience to be happy with baby steps and set-backs and repeated attempts and partial successes. I have counseled friends considering a permanent end to a "quality" relationship to realize that we all have faults. None of us is perfect. If in general your partner is of a good quality with limited damage it may definitely be worthwhile to stick it out. One could say the devil you know is better than the one you don't. A lot of time can be lost in starting over and over again with "new" relationships. A lot of progress can be achieved over a lifetime's of loving concern.

So falling in love does bring us "beautiful dreams". Falling in love and seeing the potential in our beloved can become a kind of calm and quiet goal within "the dream" we hold in our heart. It may be important to accept as much of the reality as you are capable of discerning without attachment to your beloved ever faithfully reflecting your subjective dream of what they could be at their highest and best. It is important as well to know that above all many people crave the kind of acceptance that reassures them that they really are a pretty good person just as they are. OK – we all do mess up from time to time but knowing that the love that is there in the heart of one's beloved is real and is tolerant of our mistakes and willing to go forward from there is a huge blessing in anyone's life.

~ perspective

Knowing that the love that is there
for me wishes only my best welfare
I can consider the vision that my
lover has of me and when I can I do
reflect this vision back to them giving
me an opportunity to try that view on.
I remember also that love is tolerance
and acceptance and so I make the
best interpretation of actions and
behaviors that my heart's mind
can apprehend.
I still believe in "happily ever after"
but hopefully my definition of that
is now based in a high degree of
reality with lots of room for possibility.
I keep the flame of the highest and
best impression of my loved one in
mind while holding space for my loved
one's self to follow in that positive
direction.
I have my eyes wide open to the
humanity and reality of my beloved
and at the same time I do allow for
their best to come forward to meet
my love for them.

#abuse #acceptance #betrayal #damage #expectations #healing #magic #potential #reality #romance